7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

There are many things you need to make it through a divorce, most of which is courage and tenacity. The process can be long and hellish if you’re unlucky, quick and easy if you’re fortunate. In any event, after a divorce no matter how good or bad the divorce is, there are some things you need after divorce more than you even realize. The chances are really that you’ll realize you need these things when you’re in the middle of a crisis or low moment, but if you know ahead of time, you’ll be better off.

1 – Patience

Patience is a virtue of which I lack. But let me tell you, getting a divorce certainly beat the importance of patience into my bones.

More than you know it, you’ll need patience.

Patience to navigate life afterwards, from finances to dating and new relationships.

Patience for your kids.

Patience for all the things that a divorce can bring.

2 – Ability to Let Things Go

Ouch, here’s another thing I struggle with.

You can’t make your ex be a good person. You can’t make money fall from the sky. You can’t make love happen when you want it to.

There are some things I can walk away from, and others I struggle to.

If this is you, divorce is going to require you to learn how to do this, asap. Really, life after divorce requires that you let go of things and people and conceptions, and quickly.

3 – Acceptance of the Unknown

You thought your marriage was going to be forever. News flash, it’s over.

Pretty jarring, eh? Yes, it is. Your fairy tale took a sharp turn to the right and suddenly, it’s a tragic-comedy or just a drama series.

Read More: 7 Things You Need After Divorce More Than You Even Realize

Strength & Peace,

Laura

 

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8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life

You’re divorced and now you’re ready to meet the right one.

Ok, got it! So many of us are looking for love, part deux.

But are you putting your best self forward? Or are you sabotaging romance before a spark can set aflame?

It’s not unusual for people to go out into the world bitter, afraid and slightly jaded after a divorce or any major breakup really. The key is really going out there and meeting people when you are truly your best self. Here are 8 serious signs you are sabotaging your love life all on your own.

1) A Billion Things on the Checklist

Before you’ve even met the person, you’ve got a billion things on the checklist someone needs to meet or you won’t consider him or her.

If your list of criteria is so stringent it is enviable to college application requirements, you’re not ready.

Yes—you should have deal breakers in your list.

Yes—you shouldn’t settle.

But no, it shouldn’t require jumping through hoops to be with you.

2) A Great Big Dump

Are you joining dates for a drink, only to prattle on about your ex or how jaded or torn you are about love and relationships?

You’re not ready. You’re a big hot mess of negativity and sorry, no one wants that.

No one wants to date your sad stories. A potential partner wants to date you—the available loving, you. Sure, you come with baggage like everyone does, but if your baggage arrives at the date before your personality can…you are not ready!

Read More: 8 Serious Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Love Life 

Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage…

Laura

4 Reasons Not Giving A F*** Has Made Me Happier

There’s this popular book out there called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Mansonthat is on everyone’s lips, and it’s not just because of the provocative title.

It’s the reality that so many of us care about everything—what people think. How we stack up to other people. How we handle tough times. How we manage stress. We care, care and care so hard and often, we are left depleted by caring and fretting over stuff that we cannot change.

While I haven’t read this book, my first thought was how it was interesting a man wrote this. I say this only because women seem to care so much more about what others think than men do, albeit I’ve done no scientific research to back up that fact.

I can just say with my own honesty that I’ve spent a lot of time in my life caring and giving so many f*cks and often about people and things that I shouldn’t have blinked twice about that it is a vital life lesson to learn not to give an F.

It’s hard. I am sensitive. I am emotional and passionate. I love people. I like people to like me. But as I’ve gotten older, I have learned how important it is to stop caring about what I cannot change and not worry about what others think about me as much.

Read More: 4 Reasons Not Giving A F*** Has Made Me Happier

Not Giving One F,

Laura

6 Things That Keep You From Moving On

Are you separated? Newly-divorced? Struggling to find some happiness and a life of peace and joy? There are certain things that will hold you back from having the life you want. Some of these things you may not even realize are impacting you, whereas others may be more obvious.

If you’re not as happy as you hoped you would be, here are some potential things keeping you down and preventing your progress.

1. NOT FINALIZING YOUR DIVORCE

Stalling your divorce is not going to help you. Hanging onto the marriage and drawing out the separation is only going to impede your progress. Of course, you don’t want to rush a divorce agreement, but stalling or thinking that making it legal doesn’t matter, is a bad move.

It will keep you from cutting ties and starting afresh.

Read More: 6 Things That Keep You From Moving On 

Move On, Friend,

Laura

10 Small But Powerful Things Men Do Differently When They Want To Marry You

It’s hard to know from the start whether someone will have real potential or not, but as things develop between you and someone you care about, little things might just start to pop up. These “little things” are really major signs that the man you’re with is considering marrying you.

They’re not the big signs like moving in together or asking you about ring styles, but they’re the day-to-day minutiae that says he considers you to be someone much more significant than just a girlfriend or someone he’s dating.

While it can be hard to detect men who will commit to you, here are 10 tiny signs that indicate he intends to marry you.

1. He wants to be your emergency contact.

And he doesn’t shudder if you ask to put him on the list. He says yes easily as if he were rattling off his birth date or social security number.

2. He confirms plans with you first.

When you’re a girlfriend, you’re notified of the plans. When you’re someone he’s considering as wife material, he checks with you first. You being included on the holidays and being with you is a must. At the very least, he has to try and align his plans to make them your plans, too, even if it fails to work out.

Read More: 10 Small But Powerful Things Men Do Differently When They Want To Marry You

The Little Things,

Laura

10 Simple, Sexy Ways To Show A Man Intimacy (Without Jumping Into Bed)

Intimacy isn’t solely about sex. Sure, sex counts an awful lot, but that’s not the only factor that goes into building an intimate and passionate relationship.

We all know you can have sex without real intimacy and connection, but how can you be intimate with a man beyond or besides simply intercourse? Here’s how to be intimate without jumping into bed, and they are guaranteed to make his body ache just a little.

1. Give each other a naked massage.

Forget the clothes. Forget the half-clothed shoulder rubs. Get naked, both of you, and give him a massage.

I Can Tell You Why “It is Worth the Wait”

One of the hardest things in life is to wait. Wait for an answer. Wait for change. Wait for something you want. Whatever you are waiting for make no mistake about it: it’s hard! There’s no wonder why children find it so hard to be patient…they haven’t had a lifetime of ordeals to teach them that sometimes, you just must wait. If we as adults struggle, there’s no doubt it’s not easy.

But the reality is sometimes you have to wait for what you really, really, really want!

In fact, I’ve noticed that sometimes when I push for something that I really want too hard, I end up not getting it or, getting something that doesn’t quite work out because I wasn’t patient enough to have faith and wait.

Of course, there is also something to be said about waiting too long: you settle. Or, you miss opportunities, but sometimes it’s really worth it to wait for what you want.

So, if you’re finding it either hard to have faith or hard to wait for something, consider these reasons for waiting it out.

Because it’s Not Good When Sloppy Mistakes Are Made

When you don’t wait, sloppy mistakes are made. Sure, sometimes time is of the essence and you have to act hastily, but consider dating or finalizing your divorce.

Some of us were too hasty to settle down and ended up with the wrong person.

Some of us rushed our divorces and ended up with an agreement that was less than stellar or perhaps, was more problematic due to the speed.

Whatever the case, when you wait, fewer mistakes can be made. You can be more careful and in this case, it ends up being worth the wait.

Read More: I Can Tell You Why “It is Worth the Wait” 

Be Patient,

Laura

9 Reasons It’s Completely Okay (And Normal) For A Strong Woman To Need A Man

One of my biggest pet peeves as a single mom is when people tell me how strong I am; that I’m so strong, I don’t need a man. When manual labors present themselves, random friends from the “friend choir” will say, “You can do it yourself! I do it myself. I don’t need a man.”

Don’t get me wrong. I can do plenty myself. I’m very independent and I run a household alone and have for almost four years. I consider myself a feminist too, but since when was needing someone so terrible?

Okay, so “needing” someone in a needy, clingy way is a turn-off. Codependency is a turn-off. Needing someone in your life to partner with you is not. It’s really more about wanting a strong partner.

Why does being a feminist or a strong woman have to translate as not needing a man (or woman, depending on your preference)? There are many reasons why strong women need men and why it’s normal. She should never have to apologize for it. Here’s why.

1. Teamwork makes the dream work.

A strong woman has a great foundation in which a partnership can build something even more fabulous. There’s nothing wrong with going solo, but wanting a partner to carry out big dreams and ideas is great.

Sorry haters, but it takes two to row a boat. There’s no shame of wanting someone on board the ship.

Read More: 9 Reasons It’s Completely Okay (And Normal) For A Strong Woman To Need A Man

The Power of Two,

Laura