But ma’am….argh, shut the hell up already!

I miss being a kid.
I don’t want ANYONE to call me ma’am. I’d rather be called honey, sweetheart, or sweetie, and I really don’t want to be called that either. Ma’am–to me at least–means you’re old and not sexy. Ma’am means you sometimes pee yourself (guess childbirth can do that too!), possibly wear puffy-paint sweatshirts, and have pooping problems (oops, mea culpa)!
To me, ma’am means the end of my youth. I know I am 35, but I refuse to be old. I refuse to lie down and let me rebellious spirit die. I will wear my Hello Kitty vans. I will sometimes be loud in public. I will most likely embarrass my daughter. I don’t know the cool ‘text language’ the kids or using, or a lot of the hip bands out today, but I don’t want to be dull. I won’t go dressing like a twenty-year-old either, even though I can.
I miss the days when all I had to worry about was pranking calling people and picking bands to check out.
My favorite prank call was the “Stripper and Chimps call.”Hello, it’s strippers and chimps? We’re calling about the stripper you ordered, you know for your friend’s birthday? With the chimp? Well don’t worry. We’ve contacted PETA and we’re taking care of the chimp according to the law. He won’t be maimed in the act.”
Many people stayed on the line to listen to me. More than you would think.
My other favorite prank was, when a man would answer, I’d say, “Howard? I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m not cut out for it.I don’t like it dirty.”
wait for a woman to answer, and I’d say…
“Tell him it’s over. I’m not going to be his hooker secretary anymore!”
Somehow I got myself to cry.
Hey, I never said I was totally normal. Personally, it was probably obvious from the womb that I needed to be on the stage. I was writing stories about drug-addicted teens and terminally ill parents when I was nine or ten. Someone watched A LOT of tv.
I digress, anywhoo, I miss being allowed to be irresponsible. In fact, that may be my ONLY talent in life: being silly.
I feel like the only place in life where it is acceptable to be silly is on stage. Or in the classroom. Or with kids. I hope one day I can use my immaturity to pay the bills. It sucks to be an adult! 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s