frommtvtomommy

To friend or not?

In Uncategorized on February 27, 2012 at 2:24 am

I noticed recently that some moms, okay a lot, like to hang out with moms who do things exactly as they do parenting-wise. I guess it makes sense. From the very first caveman, people have flocked to similar people. People feel comfort when they are around others that are like them. I would agree that I have many friends who share common interests and philosophies with me, yet I have many friends that don’t “parent” the same way I do, or believe in the same things I do.
I think some moms tend to choose mom friendships based solely on parenting styles, whereas for me, I choose based on personality. I have friends who haven’t nursed nor did they want to, yet I am passionate about it. I also did not cloth diaper, yet have friends that do and they still seem to like me even if my disposables are littering the earth. I guess I just try to find women who I like talking to…and then the rest of it doesn’t matter so much. Right now my daughter is too young to choose her friends, and our kids won’t really show preferences for others until 2 or so. So it all comes down to, “Do I like this person? Does she have something I appreciate about her?” I feel that as a new mother, we all want to make friends. We all want to have people to talk to about this new experience called parenting. Why can’t we be more welcoming, and less combative?
While I am not perfect, (I usually pick myself to shreds) I like that I am welcoming to moms, and see them also as people, rather than solely as “parents.”
I feel that some women have not given me the same chance. To me, as long as a woman is being a kind person to her child, and making decisions that truly works best for her family, as long as you’re fun to be around, and your baby is too, I am all game for hanging out.
Now when my child is older, things will change. I acknowledge this openly. If someone is letting her kids hang out at the mall dressing or acting inappropriately, I will probably pull away from that person. If the person lets her kids drink…I will probably walk away from that person, and hope my child doesn’t still befriend her kid. But at age not quite 1, I feel like can’t we all just hang out? Can’t we all just support each other through the early, precious and tender, yet demanding years? There will be time for all the discussion on who disciplines their kids this way, and who does it that way, but can’t we all agree to drop the battleax on all these hot buttons issues such as vaccines, nursing vs formula, cosleeping vs not cosleeping, etc? At least until our kids are older?
It exhausts me.
The last “issue” that exhausts me is the working mom vs SAHM debate.
I do both. Frankly, it sometimes feels like I am being pulled in both directions, and I have less hours in the day “sonetimes” than people who work full-time because I’m with my daughter all day long, and then go straight to work. I still think I have it damn good. The best of both worlds. And while I am at home a lot, I can honestly say I think moms who work full-time have it the hardest, but I still think it is VERY hard to be a SAHM, and TONS of work! We’re not home eating bon-bons! We have to be the educator and the homemaker. The cleaning lady and the nurturer. I still think working moms deserve a lot of kudos. People will mad I wrote that but, working moms leave the home all day, sacrificing time with their children, only to shove the little quality time they have on top of chores and everything else. I salute you. I salute the SAHM who never gets to talk to an adult, and who is going batshit hearing kids’ music all day. I salute moms like me who have to do it both.
I try to see all sides. I try to be empathetic and kind. I only want the same.

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