A very wise woman told me that a woman’s life has seasons. We all have time in our lives when our purpose or focus is shifted. For some it may be children, others work, others personal development or what have you. I feel my life is in the child/children season. No matter how much balancing I do, the weight of my world and focus spins heavily on my daughter. There are times when I see other women with great careers and jobs, and I feel terrible as I’m very educated and smart, yet I know I couldn’t part with how my life is today. It would kill me. That’s why I try to work evenings and late afternoons. The fact is, I cannot do everything 100% anymore. Once I became a mother, that 100% Laura-laura/hubby focus died. Sure, there are days when I wished I did certain things before becoming a mom, before turning 30, but you can wish in one hand and shit in the other…and see which hand gets fuller first, as my husband says. I have to be on this path for a reason. I would never ever give up being a mom or investing this time in her for anything. Yes, it means giving up big vacations and a bigger house. Yes, it means either holding off on furthering my education or slowing the track down…and holding off on some of my artistic plans (not writing thankfully). Yes, it means that I don’t see people as often as I’d like, but when I think of other paths I could choose, I get very upset. I went through a lot to have my daughter, and so did my husband. Every minute with her, even if I am not always very awake or peppy, is worth it. My season is child/children. I am planting seeds for my daughter’s environment and personality that will impact her for years to come. It sounds dramatic, but it is true. I can look back on my upbringing and understand why I am who I am. It is my time to invest in my daughter and my family. It means that I have to temporarily let go of other things.
The fact is she will not be small forever. One day she will not want me in her room or even probably sitting next to her (at least from ages 13-18). So I will have time for extra hobbies, more work, and “me” centered goals. but this time with her will not last forever. I have to live in the moment, in my season.