And it’s just a miracle

When people try to get pregnant, they don’t spend their time thinking about what could possibly go wrong with the pregnancy, how hard it might be, or how things might not go well for the baby. If we all thought that way, no one would reproduce. If we all really sat down and looked at odds/ facts/figures/ genetic possibilities…we’d never reproduce.

For some people simply conceiving is difficult. For others, being pregnant is difficult, sometimes even life-threatening. For an act that simply just takes one time to occur, it’s amazing how just one sperm and one egg meeting can create so much havoc.

People spend their days/hours figuring out how to get pregnant…how to give birth…how to get the baby to sleep/nap…how to get the baby to be independent, yet no one seems to ever focus on just simply savoring in the moment. The child. That baby.

I read a story today about a 6 month old baby girl losing her battle with spinal muscular atrophy. I bet her parents weren’t trying desperately to get her to sleep through the night already. I bet they also weren’t thinking about SMA when they were trying to get pregnant. We have so little control over what happens–other than good prenatal care and genetic tests…that in so many ways, we simply have to have faith when it comes to giving birth/conceiving a child.
When we were pregnant with our doodlebug, we got a call that there might be something seriously wrong with doodlebug…or possibly nothing at all. After a Fetal MRI, 2 hour ultrasound in which I was lying with my legs in the air and head down, and a fetal echocardiogram at CHOP, we were told that doodlebug looked beautiful.

I cried so hard and hugged the man who gave me the news. It was the worst day of my life. The two weeks leading up to the tests I cried every single day, even Christmas shopping. I tried not to, but it was hard.

I never thought this is what pregnancy would be like. When we left CHOP with the good news, I was overjoyed. We were overjoyed.

When I first got pregnant and could not eat anything, I was terrified of losing the pregnancy…and honestly scared I’d die. It sounds stupid, but starvation can kill someone. I never thought it would be so hard. I never thought that this was what it would be like.

I am sure that couple who lost their child did not imagine that this is what parenthood would be like.

I will spend every day enjoying my daughter’s dependency and attachment to me until she herself is ready to move ahead. I will relish every night, even the ones when she does not sleep. I may be tired. I may be cranky. I may complain sometimes. I may bitch when she starts the 2’s temper tantrums, but I will always relish this time with my daughter. I will always be grateful I am the parent of an alive, beautiful, healthy and smart little girl.

We were all miracles once. If we can start to respect life, both human and animal, what would our world be like? 

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