I hate domesticity

I love being with my daughter and wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’d much rather work all day with her and then work at night then leaving her all day for forty hours a week, but make no mistake, I despise some of the roles that motherhood has entitled to me.

Who am I kidding myself? I try to cook stuff, and I certainly have gotten better, but I cannot stand it. It’s not that I don’t like to eat, but that I find it a total pain in the ass to manage the time/get the ingredients/make it and hope it comes out okay….only to see that my daughter won’t eat any of it! I swear this kid ate everything, but in the past 2 weeks, she’s been a real pain with food and she is nowhere even close to 1 and a half years old. She just turned one almost 2 months ago. I didn’t expect it so soon.

Then the kid doesn’t nap long. On the one day she does (today), I don’t have what I need to try some new recipe out. I’ve been doing my best to try making different things, and my friends have offered me some great recipes, now all  have to do is try them. I made her a smoothie the other day out of stuff she loves to eat, but she took 3 sips and looked at me like, that’s enough. It makes me feel terrible knowing that her nutritional needs fall all on me and I need to do my best to make that happen with my limited cooking knowledge. She has ate better foods than I ever ate: couscous, quinoa, sweet potato, beans beans, and more beans, etc. I try to give her it all.

I don’t even think it is a teeth issue. I think she is smart enough to get the food that only she wants to eat. I’m not saying she is a genius– every mother thinks her kid is a genius or smart even though probably one out of a million are, but I do think she is enjoying this decisive phase much to my chagrin.

Why do I detest cooking? Because I don’t even have basic skills cooking down. I finally got used to my crock pot and love it, but my repertoire is getting stale. Truth be told, I find cooking to be a bit overwhelming, and I was never taught. I don’t even know when I am supposed to prep some of the more complicated (recipes that take 30-40 minutes to prep) unless it is at night.,

At 8pm, I don’t want to cook.

To be honest, I also miss her easy eating days because I used to be able to eat a meal. Now I spend a lot of time offering her different things and cleaning up that I barely eat a meal and I’m supposed to be gaining weight. My husband didn’t understand why although after this weekend, he gets it.
As a disclaimer, my hubby does cook 1 or 2x a week on the days he is home and I usually work. I live for these days and I am grateful for them. He knows I am trying so hard to do the right thing by our daughter…it is tempting to throw her crap like hot dogs or chicken fingers/mac n’cheese daily, but I am not. I have used mac n’ cheese quite a bit, but nothing else because I am struggling with my meager cooking skills to give her healthy foods while I am still in charge of her diet. Once she’s bigger, I will have less control. but for now, I have the control…or maybe not seeing as my daughter would leave on beans, fruit, and sweet potato.
I am excellent at maintaining a clean and presentable home, but sometimes doing the dishes is only so satisfactory mental-wise.

Every mom says they hate doing stuff now and then, but I feel I am the only one to stand up and say, domesticity truly can suck the big one.

The part about motherhood that I enjoy is teaching my daughter about the world around her. Getting her out among people. Watching her brain develop. I don’t think I will ever be one of the moms who feeds their kids when they’re sad or bakes cookies when the kid gets picked on at school.

I will be the one who tries to make them laugh. I hope that is enough, otherwise she better get used to eating some crappy cookies. 


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