If you’re happy and you know it, use your hands

In Uncategorized on March 23, 2013 at 3:00 am

I am all for promoting masturbation.

It’s not going to make you blind or grow hairy palms.

It’s not a sin, and in fact, it works as amazing birth control. The more your teenager masturbates, the less of a chance you will be a grandparent prematurely.

Masturbation also teaches us what we like. Women are socialized to simply do what the man asks. I see magazine articles with titles like, “How to make him turned on,” or “Make him want you more…”

Where’s the articles like, “Learn how to do oral on a chick?” or “How to make her not fake it,” or “How to get her to not say, “Honey, I’ve got a headache.”

Masturbation lets you know what you like, and therefore, you can share that with your partner and quit wasting time just getting through the act and waiting for it to be over.

It’s very important, in my opinion, that we teach girls to take control of their bodies. This means talking about masturbation. Abstaining. What happens if they decide to move forward with sex.

This ISN’T about teaching girls to be sex objects, or dress like hookers. This is teaching girls to be sexually aware, and not be ashamed of themselves.

Grown women seem embarrassed about their own sexuality. Not many people I know will offer up that they masturbate. That’s why we have the discreet passion party, or chick novels that delve into sex like, Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s a more private avenue to getting in touch with one’s sexuality.

I’ve never read the Fifty Shades series, nor am I embarrassed about sex. I am here to tell my friends, if you’ve never masturbated or find it gross, try it out.

I started a bit later in life than one would expect considering I am writing a blog about it, but I am truly glad I did. So many women won’t even look at their vaginas. I remember inspecting mine when I was pregnant…and thinking how we so rarely look at our own female bodies. Male bodies and genitalia are out there–a penis can’t hide, unless it’s truly that small. It’s out there. It’s probably impossible to not touch yourself at least a few times a day if you’re a guy.

If you’re interested in sex toys, I would check out Toys in Babeland…they’ve got shops in the city and I believe, Washington, as well as a strong online presence. Order now!!

Ask your friends too. You would be surprised who might have an awesome suggestion for a good vibrator or dildo.

If you just covered your eyes, or asked yourself,”What’s a vibrator or dildo?,” we need to chat. We need to seriously chat.

My favorite best friend was a tiny little waterproof bullet-sized vibrator. It was the best ever. When it died, I was devastated.

Most guys will be totally cool with adding a little vibrator or dildo action in the bedroom. If he’s not, you have to wonder just how confident he is…and secure. There’s no shame in bringing a little buzz to the bedroom. It might even take him off the hook if he’s not finishing the deed.

If enough people ask, I will be more than welcome to suggest products.

I will offer a few tips when buying sexual toys.

One–consider size. You know what you like.

Two-sound. Some vibrators are loud enough to let your neighbors know just what a sick deviant bitch you truly are. Find a quiet one!

Three- adjustable settings. Every girl likes it different. Some like it rough and fast, and others don’t. Adjustable settings always help.

Four–get a mirror. Look at your own stuff. Don’t be blind to what you look like down there kiddo. Vaginas are not our enemy. Men or women who don’t want to take the appropriate time to get to know them, are the enemies.

A lot of people probably find me writing a blog about masturbating to be the most ridiculous thing ever, but I think it’s important to guide young women and women to be in charge and aware of our desires and boundaries. The more aware we are of what makes us comfortable and aroused, the less likely we are to settle or tolerate things that make us uncomfortable or turned off. Boys are taught through the company of other males about sex, but women…it’s different. We talk about other aspects, but not usually these aspects. It’s important we take control of our sexual lives. They are important.

And remember…

if you’re happy and you know it, use your hands!

  1. Sweet Jesus !

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