When you’re in love, no one can do wrong. That person is a saint in your eyes…you could put them on a pedestal, yet still feel the person wasn’t getting enough of your devotion. This person deserves more, better!
Then you get married…
Suddenly, reality kicks in.
Here’s a few things your married friends won’t tell you…lest they scare you away from coupledom for good. With that said, marriage can be a wonderful thing…but you know that already from all the BS Disney and television sold you as a child. You know about how fantastic loving someone and having a family can be…society has trained you to digest this story in order that you become a married tax paying individual.
So forget the stories of how amazing a partner can be, and let’s focus on the pitfalls of marriage that come up in many marriages. Prepare yourself for what married life will really be like that way, you end up happier in a partnership with a more realistic outlook…and tools to make it work.
This is Part I in my series on marriage, and you best believe my advice is golden. Okay, maybe it’s Golden like the Golden Girls…I’m not Dr. Phil, but I’m the friend your mother warned you about: I will not lie to you, and I will crash parties with you and influence you in a bad way, but you will like me anyway.
#1 Consider your in-laws. Consider diverse family upbringings.
It’s cute to you when your Uncle spouts his tirade on where a woman should be (hint, it’s in a room without a view…and with an oven), yet to your potential future wife, it’s a sign that there may be cultural or belief clashes.
It is extremely hard blending two families. The people that say you only marry your husband or wife and not their parents are a bunch of lying turds! Your partner has embodied his or her familial beliefs whether for good or bad, and it can be a real bitch when you come moseying on up to join the family unprepared for the change in your lifestyle.
It is hard to really understand how another person was raised…and how even the crappiest things you hate about his or her upbringing may be something your partner loved about his or her childhood. You need to learn tolerance and respect for these differences…yet your partner must also respect how some of these “cute” family traits are not all that cute.
The two of you need to form a blended family based on both of your upbringings, without either of the family trashing either one of you. Your new family is the most important, so cherish the marriage, maintain bonds with the family of your childhood, but expect there to be clashes between partners and families…and minimize the damage. It is truly tough.
For example, some people think my household is too chaotic and frenetic. I find it chaotic as well and sometimes very tiring, but for the majority of the time, it was interesting. Quiet homes unnerve me. Yet for someone else, two hours amongst my family may have that person wanting to eat Comet.
Keep this in mind: blending families are hard…and you are marrying the family. It may truly suck.It may be great…but keep your eyes open when meeting your partner’s family so you can grasp how your married life may look, and how to best “inject” yourself into your partner’s family. Keep in mind that some families may be too difficult to do this easily…and others will be so easy.
#2 Monogamy is dull
I just saw an ad that said “Bringing sexy monogamy back.”
Really? What’s so sexy about the same person year after decade after century?
Yes, it’s awesome to be with one person who totally knows how to push your buttons, if you catch my drift. Yes, my partner is good-looking. Sure, unless the dude or gal porks up and/or becomes a meth addict, you will find them attractive still, but monogamy is work.
If you want it to be remotely sexy and not the same old, same old, be prepared for work.
The fireworks fizzle, so you better get some good sex toys or widen that arsenal of sexual proclivities, otherwise you will in Monogamy meltdown a few years from now. It doesn’t matter if your partner is an Angelina Jolie look-alike. You will tire of her perfect body and full lips eventually. Keep it interesting. Value the relationship.
Keep a look out for Part II…Marriage: It’s A Bitch. What Your Friends won’t tell you.