Rotting in Suburbia, Part I

I moved back to the burbs from the city for a relationship.

I did what I thought was the right thing for everyone.

Now…I am silently rotting away.

I know as we get older we are supposed to want peace and quiet, but peace and quiet are for typical normal people, not me.

In case anyone cared, I like being a little different, and besides I have no choice. It’s who I am.

There are so many ways in which the heart dies upon entering suburbia.

Nobody plays salsa music at 2am for me to listen to anymore. I used to get yelled at in Spanish, and now no one even talks to me. I preferred getting yelled at to silence.

Every time I look around, everyone is wearing the same pants, shirt, and style of clothes. There’s no one with a funky haircut or smell to them. Everyone wears the same stuff he or she bought at the mall. No one makes his or her clothes in an attempt to be different or just look like a pretentious, overly-artsy douche.

Every store is a huge corporation…and none of the pizza or bagel shops claim to be the “World’s Best Bagel or Pizza Shop.” How do I know how to find the best without that snazzy title?

I have to drive a car. I like driving now and again, but for the most part I should just stay off the road, however I have to risk it and hop in, otherwise I would rot in my house forever.

My neighbors care about my business. In NYC, no one cared if I croaked, fucked, talked, spit, or sang. It was kind of nice.

There are so many damn white people here. I know I’m white, but it’s a little dull. Girlfriend likes variety.

I don’t get to ride the subway and listen to mariachi bands, solo performers, and beggars anymore. No one tries to convert me when I walk down the street here. In NY, people notify me about Jesus and other religious happenings. I’m out of the loop with crazy people.

There aren’t enough coffee shops. I don’t drink coffee, but I like tea, and in order to find one, I have to drive.

Listen up folks: suburbia is not where it’s “at”: Suburbia is boring and makes teenagers bored…which makes them do tons of drugs, buy guns, watch porn, and cause trouble on the internet. Suburbia knocks down trees, ruins animal habitats, and causes Wal-Mart to make money.

I miss my noisy, smelly, filthy, diverse, animated, and intelligent city.

Save me. I am rotting in wal-mart in my mall-bought clothes.


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