Hi Members of the Planet Earth with the XY chromosome.
Hello those of you with a penis, and I guess it’s unfair to not say hello to your fellow peers, the testicles. Hi there.
My name is Laura, and I’m of the female persuasion. I have breasts, a vagina, XX chromosome, estrogen, dramatic flairs, high-heels, jeans, and a slight propensity to eat fattening foods and get extremely horny pre-period.
I thought I might like to say that even though I sometimes feel the incessant need to choke the shit out of some of you, I truly truly enjoy you all.
I like the muscles, honestly. Short and muscular, tall and lanky, tall and cut. Medium and toned.
The male figure is one hot commodity.
There’s also a brain too, except for I am too distracted thinking about the muscles right now to really pay attention to any of that. Pardon me, I’m eating a tub of chocolate.
Okay, hormonal moment resolved.
See, I grew up with all chicks, so men to me were exotic. While watching male peers, I often felt as if I should grab a camera, begin taping, and start whispering as I discussed the habitat of my male friends.
What is this strange yet intoxicating atmosphere of the male sphere?
I feel like I understand men for the most part.
You’ve got a bad reputation. Philanderers. Psychos. Male Sluts. Gigolos. Cheaters. Adulterers.
It’s hard to live day to day with that yoke of negativity around your neck men, isn’t it?
But most men that I know, are truly simple in meaning. Not intellectually simple or unsophisticated, but rather direct and with meaning. If a man doesn’t like you, he doesn’t call you. If he kinda likes you, he calls you or texts you just sometimes because he is bored. If he really likes you, he’s right there.
We women are not that direct. We can be right there with you, yet hate your friggin guts. We only came for the free food, or out of pure guilt.
Okay, I’m not a bitch like that, but we women weave a web of behaviors way beyond the male design.
What I don’t understand though men, is how you discredit me and my people, from time to time. My people not meaning the Jews, of which I do claim membership, but my people known as Women.
You don’t think we are funny or smart. You sometimes push us out of conversations. I’ve tried to join in, knowing I had something to contribute, and because frankly, I was bored with the female conversations around me, yet I’ve had men shut me out before I could say “boo.”
Apparently my breasts and vagina also degrades me to a certain conversational zone for some men.
Go back to the kitchen, their eyes scream at me. Don’t you have some romance novel to read? Some nails to polish?
I’ll have you know, I shake my finger, I don’t cook very well and I hate romance novels!
Maybe I will go polish my nails.
I enjoy men because they can be so blatantly blunt, yet surprise you with sensitivity when you least expect it, and I don’t often expect it from men. I know that is a bunch of sexist BS, but I haven’t met that many sensitive men.
I like that men can be so plainspoken about sex. That they can share what they like or dislike without really feeling disgusting, unless they simply are disgusting, or their friends are just boorish prudes.
Sure, some feel embarrassed or more timid than others. Men are just as multi-dimensional as women, and sure, some women are very open about sex, but in general, in my experience, I think men are told that it’s expected of them to have some prowess, and discuss it.
But I hate when men feel that a discussion about sex means we females want to have sex with you.
We don’t. Not necessarily. Maybe. Either way, it would be nice to discuss it with you without you feeling it is an invitation to touch us or invade our boundaries in any form.
We want to be friends with you men. We like you.
We want you to RSVP yes.
We are inviting you to get to know us, as people, as intellects, and as sexual beings.
On our terms though.
Isn’t that just like a woman?
Signed, Loving my XY peoples more than I can show it.
Ps–I endorse this message that I understand that the following message is just based on certain male stereotypes. I acknowledge that gender is fluid, and it’s okay if you wear women’s panties, or like to pack one in your pants, meaning a fake one. I understand that some men wear makeup, and some women wear wifebeaters and workboots. I am cool with this. I am cool with all genders and sex, and all kinds of sex, just none with animals, kids, or too much violence.
Men. Please come to the Party. You are invited. Bring Chocolate