I check out numerous pages, blogs, and social media sites to see mommies and wives who cook everything from scratch. Every toy is hand-built. Nothing is made in China.
While I strive to avoid unhealthy food and junk ( I’m insane about avoiding processed stuff and juice –only for a treat), I am not a DIY mommy truly. I try to DIY and love/insist on keeping the television off and expanding on pretend play, but I am not a Pinterest Mommy. I am not DIY mommy.
Some of the most mouth-watering foods and recipes are posted by the best mom cooks and chefs.
I’m starting to feel envious.
I would love one of these moms to be my wife.
All I need is for you to cook and never complain. Be sure to clean up after your cooking projects. Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink. When you’re done doing the cooking, might you make a bunch of toys and play objects for my kid to play with? Because you’re my Pinterest Wife, and that’s what wives do.
I will sit here and do what I do best. Educate, Enact a billion character voices. Teach my kid how to sing. Read to her. Teach her how to count in French and what the words cavort, cajole, and charm mean.
The Pinterest Wives of the World are making the regular wives and moms look bad. It’s like the PTA mother of the year on steroids:
The PTA mom brought cupcakes, stayed home, and never yelled.
The Pinterest DIY mom caters full events, makes all toys, keeps a clean house, never yells, never picks her nose when anyone is looking or flirts with younger men, and always darns her husband’s socks.
The Pinterest DIY mom can afford to stay home and buy everything organic, including organic band-aids. Hell, the DIY mom makes her own damn band-aids. Her husband goes to work daily with a homemade meal, and for every holiday event at work, he brings a full-spread, courtesy of DIY mom.
When I make dinner every night, I clap for myself.
When I have taught my daughter how to draw Charlie Brown, I cheer.
These moms and wives are making the regular folks like me, an endangered species. Pretty soon, no one is going to want to befriend us on the playground, and our husbands will leave us for more crafty types who make their own clothes, paint their nails with homemade nailpolish, and even furnish and decorate the house like a professional.
The average woman will be home in fear that she will be ridiculed for her store-bought polish, average home, and half-assed crock pot dishes.
Instead of being alone on the swings and divorced because I can’t make homemade pie crust, I’ve decided to enlist one of you DIY moms for my very own.
I promise to water you, but I will never feed you.
You can make your own damn food.
A mom who likes to make brownies from the package, and flirt with the young guys at the pizza place, in no particular order.