Your Spouse is Only as Good as His/Her Last Kind Word: Does Your Spouse Support you?
Being married is not just about sharing bills,(potentially) child-rearing, a home, or a last name. Being married is about ultimately accepting your spouse’s weakpoints and issues, yet loving them despite.
It’s not about needing your spouse, but about wanting your spouse.
Someone said to me the other day, “We’re only as loyal as our options,” and while that certainly is true, when you love someone, you’ve decided that while your neighbor or co-worker might be hot as Hades, you’re going to stick with the program and be faithful to the person you professed your love to for eternity.
Sounds impossible and a bit damning, but that’s what marriage is. You’ve closed the door to options #2, #3, #4, and so forth. Unless you’re in an open marriage, in which case, you get to enjoy everyone, including the hot neighbor.
The other day a friend posted on Facebook, a very cool friend of mine, that ultimately, a spouse should show his or her support for his/her partner continuously.
This doesn’t mean that if your partner goes on a drinking binge that you should applaud him, or if your partner empties your checking account in a manic fit while watching QVC (probably only an elderly person would do that anyway) that you should pump your fists and yell, “Hurrah!”
This means that you champion your spouse. You support the goals, dreams, daily tasks, and ultimately, the core of who that person is.
When was the last time your partner did something to support you? When was the last time your partner stopped to hug you? To ask how your dreams are going? When was the last time your partner asked how he or she can help make your day a little better?
If you answered, “I can’t remember Laura,” guess what?
Your partner isn’t loving you or supporting you as much as he or she could.
And if you can’t remember the last time you returned the offer or kindness to your spouse, you’re probably failing to hit the mark too.
Daily life can take a toll on a couple. Bills. In-Laws. Children. Jobs. Health issues.
It’s a job people. Getting married is clocking in every day and deciding, “You know what? I’m not going to run off with that gorgeous blonde at work. I’m not going to get head from a local “lady of the night.””
Or, “I’m not going to teach that hot 25 year-old guy how I do my “squats” at the gym. I’m not going to say, fuck it, and run off with that man I met at Barnes and Nobles.”
It’s saying, I’m here, and I’m going to do whatever I can to make this person’s life better. As much of a pain in the ass as this person might be, as much as this person makes me mad, I’m going to still love them because it’s what I signed up for, and at the end of the day, the good outweighs the bad.
I can masturbate over the blonde in the shower, and keep my wife happy at the same time.
If you find that you feel unsupported or unloved, what can you do? How do you make that person step up to the plate and be the partner you need? I don’t really know.
I won’t say if I feel supported or unsupported in my own relationship, but I will say that I’ve seen how a supportive person can make one person’s life that much better.
And if you think your marriage is untouchable or unbreakable, think again.
It takes a lot of effort to keep that feeling of love, gratitude, empathy, and hope alive that you once had when you walked down the aisle or got married by Elvis in Vegas.
Yet it takes just a few harsh words, or one slip-up to really tear at the bonds that you’ve made.
I’ve heard people tell me after slinging some harsh words at their spouse, “Well, I was just angry. I didn’t really mean it.”
Words can’t be taken away. You can’t delete a harsh comment or vituperative attack from the memory of your spouse. We’re not computers. We store these words, and they build up.
Time and again, just a few harsh words can cut to the quick.
How you speak to someone, how you reach out to someone, shows how you really feel for that person.
Before you go to cut deep the next time you fight with your spouse, think again.
Remember, it takes a lifetime to make a relationship that’s worth talking about, and only one minute to ruin it.