What Single Men Should Do On Valentine’s Day

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If cupid hasn’t struck you yet, don’t despair. You’re probably better off in fact.

While most guys could probably give two f@*ks about Valentine’s Day, I still have some amazing suggestions on how to celebrate in style whether you’re a player, an emo-depressive, or a guy’s guy. Read my suggestions for men of all creeds here in Male Standard.

If you’re a good boy or girl, might you find me on Facebook and be my friend. I’m feeling lonely. Don’t leave me hanging. What do I need to do to convince all of you to find me? Maybe I will have to post ridiculous photos of myself.

Or not.

By the way, in case you think I’m disloyal, I will soon have a post for my single ladies.

Love to you all, and if Cupid strikes you with his arrow, I hope he/she is hot, ready-to-go, and intelligent enough to have a decent conversation.

Shot to the heart,

Laura

Guys Want Sex on Valentine’s Day: Pamper the Guys this Valentine’s 2014

Valentine’s Day is notoriously marketed for women. And yes, I know it’s a Halmark holiday, but it exists, and if you’re a part of a couple, fling, or marriage, if you haven’t decided to nix Valentine’s Day celebrations from your pairing, expect that there might be some “expectations” for February 14th. And let me tell you, ladies hate for our expectations to be let down, but that doesn’t mean that on this day of roses, chocolates, and marriage proposals it’s just about us.

Men have needs too. In fact, your man might share these needs with you more than you’d like, but in case you weren’t listening, or you have never considered what a guy might want for Valentine’s Day, I’ve offered my suggestions on how to make your best man feel like a King here in Male Standard. Please read my article and share!

With that said, I hope men all over thank me for my good deed and pay me by following my blog, my Facebook or Twitter page, sharing this post, or by sending me chocolates and other toys.

Remember people, without sex and love, we’d be beating the crap out of each other and lonely.

Fighting the good fight,

Laura

To the Parents I Judged When I Was a Teacher (Before I Was A Parent): Crap. I’m Sorry

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When I was a teacher, (assisted in a preschool class, kindergarten class, second grade class, SAT prep, taught Pre-K, and tutored ages 3- adult) I was not yet a parent. It was amazing how wise I thought I was about the ways of children.

Little did I know that I was just a mere fool in this world known as parenting. Not that I wasn’t a good teacher–I certainly was, but to the parents I judged when I was  teacher and not yet a mom, gulp, I’m sorry man.

What’s with that kid’s clothes? Continue reading

The Question I Should Have Never Asked

It’s a stormy few days here on the East Coast. I’ve worked from home the past two days because the commute would have been dangerous.

After doing my work, I sat down at the end of the day and watched a movie with my sick kid. It was my very first Tinkerbell movie, and I’m sure it’s not my last.

In the movie, Tinkerbell discovers her “talent.” What she’s good at and has a gift for.

So as I’m bathing my little peanut just almost 2 months shy of her third birthday, I ask her what her talents are. What she’s good at.

Because she’s already a thespian, she quotes from the movie dramatically, “I’m not good at anything!”

“Of course you are!” I respond, adding, “You’re great at singing, building, and drawing. You have many talents. What is daddy good at?”

Swooshing her bathtub fairies around in a magical dance she answers, “Daddy is good at singing.”

“He is, that’s true. What about Mommy? What is Mommy good at?”

“Mommy is good at the computer and taking the school bus and going to work and coming home.”

While I have the memory of a hawk, there are very few things that people say that are that impactful that I will remember what they said for the rest of my life.

This my friends, is something I will never, ever forget

People told me, oh working parents make up for it during the time they are around. That’s what kids remember.

I feel like I’ve been lied to.

My daughter failed to mention my singing. All the times I take her everywhere. The museums, day trips, city trips, book store, play dates, cookie and chocolate shopping/eating, beach, boardwalk, etc.

That I taught her beginning words in French, numbers, phonetics, shapes, colors, days of the week, etc, etc. And to be honest, she taught herself mostly everything.

But the fact is, when my daughter thinks of me, she thinks of me working. She thinks of me gone. She doesn’t think of the time with her.

And I basically wanted to place myself into a coffin. I tried to remind myself of the feminist view.

Look,I think, she sees me as a viable part of the world. Life. A worker. A career woman. How bad can that be?

And I know you can say, “She’s only 3 what does she know,” but I believe kids are honest and smarter than some foolish adults think. This is her new definition of her mother.

I know that we all have times in our lives as people and as parents when we hit rough patches. When we are forced to make choices we don’t want to make, or hit upon hard times that seem to last forever. What makes those times so much better, I suppose, is having support or a team mentality. Or feeling like there is an end in sight.

I feel neither. I feel alone and as if there is no easy solution in sight.

Sometimes, I write because I have something to say. And other times I write because I need other people. I despise that about myself.

I admire that my daughter, who enjoys playing with both boys and girls, still needs to be alone, and is fine with this.

It’s not that I cannot be alone, because I certainly have been, but that I think I need that human connection maybe more than she might as an adult. And I wish sometimes that I didn’t, because then I wouldn’t care if I felt so alone.

What amazes me about my child is her amazing sense of self and identity at such a young age. I cherish the fact that she is such an individual and strong little girl.

If you ever want to know how your child views you, just ask. You will be amazed at their answers. Their honesty will always reveal more than you want to hear, but you must hear it.

I hope one day my daughter will remember me as more than the mom at the computer, on the bus, away from her.

I hope she will remember me right in her heart.

Signed,

The Lonely Heartbroken Feminist Mother

xxoo

Fighting Fair: How to avoid the frying pan to the head when arguing

Boxing Gloves

Sometimes it’s not very easy to stay calm when your partner has pissed you off or hurt you.

It takes a lot for me to stay angry with anyone; I’m a mush like that, and am known for being a softie, unless someone has created continual damage repeatedly. Once that has happened, getting a ticket back into my show is not easy. While I will extend the invite, I will do it cautiously, but it takes a whole lot for me to get to that point because I’m too nice. Continue reading

I Won’t Let a Man Abuse a Woman in Front of Me: Tales From The Bus

A few years back, there I was on the bus back into the city from my parent’s home in New Jersey. I was in my first year at Columbia, and diving head first into amazing classes on writing and psychology, as well as a few feminist courses. I was in my finest day: I love academics. Nothing makes me happier than a huge novel to read and write about.

Call me a loser, or just someone who doesn’t get enough action?

Or maybe you’re a lit-whore like myself. Welcome to the tribe jedi.

Anywhoo, there I was, just sitting in my seat, getting ready to study on the hour and a half ride when I heard him.

I heard a male voice berating the woman next to him. Continue reading

4 Reasons Why Staying at a Mental Home is Easier Than Being a Working Mother

4 Reasons Why Staying at a Mental Home is Easier Than Being a Working Mother

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When I was a teenager, I had a brief month-long stay at a psychiatric treatment center. I was depressed, experienced rape and abuse, and was “experimenting” with substances to medicate those terrible experiences. It was no joke, and to be honest, I don’t think these hospitals helped at all. For me, it was just a month-long babysitter and didn’t do zilch. Of course, I wasn’t ready to deal with those problems really so maybe that was why, but the point is…

If you are a working mother, you might want to consider visiting the mental home. Life is easier there.

Here’s why: Continue reading

How to Be Disappointed by Others: 5 Easy Tips

How to Be Disappointed by Others: 5 Easy Tips

I find myself, at least in the past few years, being disappointed by other people. Maybe I am disappointing. Maybe I am not that special. Maybe I am a lousy lay—scratch that. I am a damn good lay! But I have found myself being burned, sad, or let down by people and wondered why.

Here are my 5 tips on how to be easily disappointed by others. Continue reading

4 Ways My Toddler Says F-U Mom

My daughter doesn’t curse at the wee age of not even 3, but she doesn’t have to. She tells me to f*@k off in other ways. Why use the words, when you can get across the same sentiment?

The Raspberry

I really *love* this new one of hers. I’m not sure what kid she got it from, but I’d like to smack him or her! Whenever myself or her father does something that my sweet little lady does not like, she raspberries in our face—you know, blowing her lips together like sugared-up little boy? Except for she does it with an evil look on her face as if she hopes we will burn with her bitchy glare.

Her latest addition to the Raspberry? Getting up close as she does it so you get some spit on your face.

Pleasant.

Third world sweatshops were meant for kids doing such antics! Continue reading

What Women Want: a Brief Tutorial

This will be a nice brief tutorial on what women want.

I know that ” as a whole,” women can be complicated. Not all females,but many of us will drop you like a dime if you’re a pushover, or tell you to F off if you’re too nasty.

Sometimes we will kiss you, and the next day we will act as if you are a ghost, and not a man.

Yup, we’re awesome like that. Aren’t you glad you’re attracted to women? Maybe it’s time to consider another man.

Trust me, we chicks think about it all the time, and most of us tried it out in college. Continue reading