What Women Want: a Brief Tutorial

This will be a nice brief tutorial on what women want.

I know that ” as a whole,” women can be complicated. Not all females,but many of us will drop you like a dime if you’re a pushover, or tell you to F off if you’re too nasty.

Sometimes we will kiss you, and the next day we will act as if you are a ghost, and not a man.

Yup, we’re awesome like that. Aren’t you glad you’re attracted to women? Maybe it’s time to consider another man.

Trust me, we chicks think about it all the time, and most of us tried it out in college.

So here’s my very brief tutorial on what women want.

Note: money or income will not be a part of this tutorial, although yeah, evolutionary psychology would say that women want providers and men want fertile women to spread their seed with. Some of these men want many women to spread their seed with, and some women want many men to provide for them. These people are dicks, and not part of my “audience.”


Women want your time. Some of you will say we want your blood, but the fact is we just want your time. We want to know that we are worth it and that you have stopped texting all of your 50-million prospects to focus on us, and us alone.

Time=effort. The lazy man will not put effort into a woman, and that man should be stoned, if you ask me. Put in the time. Putting in time is worth more than money, more than gifts.


Did Cinderella want Prince Charming to side glance at the other bitches at the ball?

Um, nope.

Did Sleeping Beauty want Prince Phillip to feel up some other chicks will making out with her?

That would be, non, no, negative, etc.

We want your attention.

Some of us didn’t get our father’s attention, so we really need yours to like make up for the psychologically damaging moments of our lives.

But uh, anyway, pay attention to us. Note all of the good things about us, and forgive us for the bad.

This might take an act of God, but at least try.


We like affection. Warm hugs. Heavy Petting. Brush our hair. Rub our backs. Tickle our arms. Kiss us.

Are you tired yet?

That’s what we want, so get moving.

Thank you.


This is probably the thing that many but not all men, dread. We want you to talk. About everything. All the time. How are you feeling? Are you thinking about me? Will you think about me? Do you like me? Are you a psychopath? How many people are you banging? How many kids with how many women do you have?

We want to know it all.

It is possible you may feel as if you are being interrogated.

News Flash: you are.

Sorry about that!

Knight in Well-Dressed Armor

Hate to play the helpless female card because you all know this broad can do it for herself, and if need be use batteries, but it’s nice when a guy wants to help us when we are feeling low, or damnit, we can’t reach the highest shelf, so might you grab that for me?

Don’t make us feel like pathetic losers who belong barefoot in the kitchen. This is the millennium, not the 50’s, but do make us feel like you want to help. Like you care.

And bring reinforcements: wine and chocolate.

This brief tutorial brought to you by somebody who is in full support of the TAATK model.

Warning: not all women “want” this. Some want you to smack them around. Others want you to leave them alone, and even still, others like chicks and aren’t into you and your package. Be cautious when applying this tutorial. Ball punches, middle fingers, or comments like, “Why don’t you leave me alone?” are not the author’s fault.

You are also getting very, very sleepy and have decided upon being totally addicted to me, that you will follow me on Twitter here, and like me on Facebook.


I bid you adieu,


5 thoughts on “What Women Want: a Brief Tutorial

  1. Cornell Green says:

    Thanks. Great summary, and well-put. Its actually useful, because when you dont have the referential essentials, things can seem more complex than necessary. I’d do a similar blog, but you all probably already know what men want.

  2. onomatopoeicbliss says:

    You say getting the middle finger as if its a bad thang. Au contraire . . . . those chicks are very passionate, and once you get them focused, they become some of the hottest . . .

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