There is nothing a parent loves more than the peaceful sound of silence.
Sure, a child’s laugh is golden, but some nice peace and quiet makes a parent a happy parent. One who does not drink a bottle of Drano.
A nap might be the only time a parent gets to pee in private, or simply just stare into space contemplating nothing but a nude threesome between that Magic Mike guy, Angelina Jolie, and Brad Pitt.
Or whomever suits your fancy.
When your child starts to say goodbye to napping however, it isn’t just your sanity that disappears…but instead of your adorable child. suddenly you are in possession of Satan, or his cousin.
Here are some signs your child is becoming Satan, I mean, saying goodbye to his or her nap.
As the day wears on and it gets closer to dinnertime, does your child ransack your house, smack you, point at your boobs, or tear up the house with his or her toys?
Your demon might be saying goodbye to his nap, if he hasn’t already.
Are you suddenly noticing your little pain-in-the-butt, oh, um, Prince or Princess slowly cutting down the time spent in his or her bed for nap?
The good days are almost over my friend.
It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To
Do you find your child breaking down into crying spells as if he or she is an old Spanish lady watching a dramatic telenovela? Do your child’s tears remind you of how you or your sisters were during their teenage years? Or do they resemble your overly-dramatic mother-in-law?
If you told your child that he or she will be living in DisneyLand forever or is able to eat ice cream all day, every-day for the rest of his or her life, and he/she is still a crying fool, your emotional wreck is saying, hasta la vista (is that how it goes?) to the nap.
Does your child repeatedly say he or she hates you? Does he or she turn into a ball of flames? Speak in tongues? Curse the day you had him/her?
Your kid is never napping again, unless you dose the kid with serious drugs.
What do you do now?
If your child has given his or her nap up, you need to put that kid to work in a sweatshop, that way the kid will be really, really, really tired at the end of the day, and will go to bed early…so you can cry, speak in tongues, and watch a telenovela.
A woman whose head just spun around three times, like the ugly redheaded-freckle face monstrosity called Chuckie