The One Thing That Turns Me Off Most About Men

Hello Men.

How are you today?

I thought I might have a frank discussion about something that really irks me, or has irked me all my life, about men.

And no, it’s not the fact that a head of a penis looks like a mushroom, or that some of you grow back hair, or that you take forever to take a dump.

It’s the lack of effort that makes me want to strangle you.

To get more insight on how to not fuck up, please read the following PSA:

Last Second Gifts

There is nothing that says, “I’m a lazy f*#ker” more than buying gifts at the last second. It’s not that I am materialistic, but women like to know that you thought a little before rushing down to the corner store to pick out some crappy flowers.

Being lazy and not putting thought into presents makes us feel like you don’t care, because chicks associate the thoughtfulness and effort of the gift= how much you like us.

I forgot

How often can you forget, well, everything?  I understand that some of us are rather loquacious and therefore, it is hard to remember everything we say, but when you forget everything or the important stuff, or the things we’ve told you about that matter to us, you look like a fool…and we start to feel unloved.

I’m tired

Sorry that you are too tired to give oral, but if that is the case, I hope you trip down a flight of stairs.

No one likes a greedy SOB. If you show up to the party, prepare to get involved, otherwise, don’t let the door hit you in the ass…too hard.

The same goes for if you are too tired to have sex. If that is the case, then maybe you have another partner, or are depressed. If B: depressed, see a doctor.


Rolling into the bed

I’m glad you find it fun to show up to the bed, just expecting there to be amazing sex with no sense of kink, romance, or effort. Sure, we all need a quickie, and not every bang can be a 10, but it always irked me when a man put zero effort into making me want him, when I had clearly made enough effort or verbally said,”Can we have sex?” in about 50 different languages a dozen times.

Get creative. Laziness is sinful.

Now that you all know the biggest sin of man: lazy, be sure to evaluate where you fall on the lazy meter.

Sending a playful punch, a dominating order to follow me on Twitter because you like boobs (okay, who doesn’t like boobs? It was a creative suggestion), and an invite to greatness in bed and life,


5 thoughts on “The One Thing That Turns Me Off Most About Men

  1. mik1999 says:

    Well said. Nothing is more appealing than effort and enthusiasm. And nothing more frustrating than getting a sense that your partner is not trying – it starts a really negative feedback loop.

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