frommtvtomommy

Sex and Intimidation: Ways to introduce new sex practices without fear

In love, marriage, relationships, sex on February 27, 2014 at 3:40 am

When I was 15, 4 boys–okay, at least 1 of them was over 18 and the other 3 were between the ages of 17-19,  tried to harass me into giving them oral sex.

Because for once in my young adult life I stood up for myself and said no to them, I was sprayed in the eyes with chemicals by one of these jerks. That was my “treat” for saying no. How dare I have the balls to refuse to be these jerks’s sex objects. It was a painful experience, and I ended up with a small cyst on my eyelid that ended up going away at some point, but the memory did not fade.

Now while this story is certainly a real buzz killer, it can be used to say so much more If you want someone to have sex with you, being nice is certainly a must, but there are also other things you can do to introduce new sex acts into your relationship without being intimidating or disrespectful. Here are my tips on how to gradually introduce your partner to a new sex habit, sans intimidation, as that never works.

Modify

If your partner is timid to try a threesome out, maybe she or he would be willing to go out to a bar, and simply flirt with a woman or man, depending on the scenario.

Are you looking to tie her up? She may not want rope burns, but she might settle for being bossed around, or wearing a collar.

Image

In general, modify means simply adjust the act you’re looking to try by replacing it with a less intimidating act instead. Does it mean you might not get what you want? Yes, it does, but you must respect the other person’s boundaries.

Baby Steps

You might not get him to talk dirty, but you might be able to get him to watch a porn…of someone talking dirty. Ease him into the waters. The next time, try asking him to say one phrase during sex. Tell him what to say so as to make it easy. A few weeks later, try a brief exchange with him.

Maybe you want her to consider anal intercourse. Well, that is a big step for most people, so the first might be gentle massage near the perineum…then a finger….then a toy…etc.

You see what I am saying, don’t you? Follow my humble advice, and take it easy. If you must reach the end goal, you have to go with baby steps if your partner is hesitant. And if she or he won’t say yes and you must have it, well, then you’ve got a lot of decisions to make, don’t you? You can’t force someone.

Last Suggestion…

Intimacy Builders

In order to really expand upon your sexual menu, intimacy and trust must be in tact, whether you’re male or female.

Massages, conversations, long contact (especially for women), sex sessions with multiple orgasms, simple date nights out, helping to reduce the other person’s stress, and real direct conversation about sexual needs are ways to build intimacy, and hopefully, introduce new sex habits into your routine.

Addendum:

Sometimes you must accept that a partner won’t go the full monty on a particular sex act. Does it suck?

Well, yes, indeed, it does, but sometimes no matter how slow you take it, your partner just won’t belly up to the idea, and that’s when you make a compromise. It’s why relationships can be a dance of push, pull, and push and pull again.

Love someone who hates when the menu is the same,

Laura

P.S. For everyone who follows me on Twitter and on my blog, you get a free pony.

Or a very vivid recounted fantasy tale about riding on a pony, by yours truly.

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  1. WOOHOOO!!! TRIPLE PONY BONUS!!!

  2. Good advice . Liked the phrase baby steps

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