Happy Wife, Happy…Ah, You Get To Live: Keeping Your Wife Happy


The saying goes, “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” for a reason. Women are often but not always, the pillar of the household. She runs the kids (if you have them), chores, social itineraries, and family “master plan.”

Does this mean as a man that you are relatively helpless to our numerous causes and requests?


Okay, well not yes, but to a large degree you ought to consider your wife’s wishes because more often than not, men do not want to do said duties. Besides, women remember everything. We remember when you briefly paused upon first seeing our new haircut ten years ago instead of telling us you loved it. We remember the comments you made about the stripper who gave you a quickie when you were 18. We know everything. We can and will use this in a court or anywhere. Possibly in the middle of Target.

And for better or worse, we tend to argue more effectively, although we can be crazy.

So without further adieu, please read on for ways to keep the crazy calm. Otherwise known as, keeping your wife happy.

Please note:  I am not suggesting that you emasculate yourself and do everything your wife wants. I am suggesting however, that you strongly consider her feelings, and pick your battles wisely. Some fights aren’t worth fighting.

Do you care what color the blinds are?

From time to time, we women are set on the minutiae. We know that we want our drapes to be ivory, and not taupe. Even if this bugs you, avoid the fight. Buy the ivory. Is it really worth the bitchiness and potential lonely masturbating?


Social plans

You don’t like her one friend very much. Truthfully, she’s probably a drip and her husband might be a punk, but for one night, deal with it.

Then go home, tune the world out, watch sports or a porn, and only answer to the name “King.”

Making your wife happy means you then get to ask for great favors.

Toys and special crap

Could it hurt you to be attentive? I often hear men say, “My wife doesn’t give oral anymore.”

Well, set a good example gentlemen and ladies of the loving-wife persuasion!

Why not buy her some lingerie? If you’re not into wardrobe, pick out a toy for her. G-spot vibrators are a great choice. I recommend this one. Don’t ask me why. I’m being good for Lent.

Oh yeah. I’m a non-observant Jew. Hee hee. I give credit to all you peeps giving up stuff for Lent though. I couldn’t do it!


if she’s shy or feels like you tend to pressure her for sex, avoid the sex toy, and instead opt for a couple’s massage.

Follow her directions. Sometimes

I will admit. My partner is a better driver than I am, but in other areas, I feel more informed to make the call–although not without consulting first unless it’s kosher to do so.

Just say, “Yes dear,” when all else fails unless it means sacrificing your morals, or adding to a body count.

Do you really want the nagging?

The fighting?

Remember, we know better.

Right dear???

That time of the month

PMS is a myth for some women. And for the rest of us, we get it to varying degrees.

I eat like a disgusting pig, am overly “excited”, occasionally spot a pimple, and cry from time to time.

If she is someone who does experience severe periods, cramping, or mood changes, just leave her alone, and take a weekend vacation.


The lesson learned

If you want a happy life or would simply like to live, keep your wife happy. If she’s a nurturer, let her bring in a few strays (without becoming a zoo). If she’s moody, give her peace and quiet. If she’s hungry, bring her chocolate.

The goal is survival gentlemen and ladies ( I never assume heterosexuality!). Don’t be stupid, and we will be good to you.

Wink, wink.

With a strawberry cream Godiva truffle


One thought on “Happy Wife, Happy…Ah, You Get To Live: Keeping Your Wife Happy

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