In honor of making over 1,000 followers, I will be posting pretty personal and or funny stuff this month, some from my memoir. I just can’t post all of my book for free though! You’ll have to buy the book!
I am so grateful to have grown this blog, and am dedicated to seeing it expand, simply because I love writing, sharing my message with others, embarrassing myself, and making fun of this crazy place we call Earth.
So to kick it off, I thought I’d share a few tips on what women shouldn’t do when dating. Ladies: learn from my god-awful mistakes. Guys, read this also and pass on to your single, newly-divorced, or “it’s complicated” female friends who could use a little perspective or a hug. And read it too, just because I said so, and how can you say no to a decently racked female?
I rest my case. Read on folks!
Believe you are crap
Don’t be grateful for any man’s attention. You are worthy of the best. Even if you feel as if you are not, don’t give into this feeling.
As a young woman who was taught she was just a vessel for men’s sexual needs, I didn’t believe I was good enough. This meant that even if a guy treated me poorly, I put up with it.
Case in point: one night, a guy I was hooking up with met me with his older gentleman friend. It was a surprise. The other guy wasn’t supposed to be there. The man was about 20 years my senior.
Anyway, as I went to the bathroom, the hookup guy took my car keys, and consequently, left me with the older man. I had nowhere to go but to this older man’s apartment. Luckily, the guy didn’t force me to do anything, so I simply waited for hookup guy to return. When he did, I was so angry. How could he do that to me?
“I figured you’d like to hook up with him. Give him a bang.”
I never gave any sign of wanting this guy. Simply put, my hookup guy was trying to pass me off because he felt I was low enough on myself to do it. Plus, he wanted to look cool in front of his friend. And stupid me, I still hung out with hookup guy for months afterwards.
No self-esteem equals bad choices. Don’t blame all the bad men for your choices. It is often our self-esteem that gets us into these awful positions. Was hookup guy right? No, it was clearly messed up of him, but I had the power to walk away…if only I believed I was good enough to do so.
The nice guy
After reading my humorous stories about men, women, and life, you should know that I am a fan of the menfolk.
In particular, I feel the nice guy has not been given a fair shake.
While a guy with a bit of kink is a necessity, give the nice men a chance. Nice does not mean wussy or unable to care for you despite what your old evolutionary instincts might think. In fact in my experience, some of the biggest cheaters and scam artists were men who made good bank and were rather cocky.
This is not to say that all wealthy men are scumbags. In fact, feel free wealthy men to adopt me. My husband is cool with sharing me…for money’s sake.
But rather, that a man with too much “cockiness” in his attitude (in the pants is all good!) is usually not going to be one who is devoted to you. Just saying.
Try the nice guy.
There is no need to date one guy. Date around. Get to know people. Get to know yourself. Too many women are invested in scoring a boyfriend or LTR right away. Don’t do it! Have fun, chat, and go on dates. Interview these bitches. Don’t just plop down with someone right away. Getting to know yourself is the best way to find someone right for you, if you ask me.
He’s not my type
I had a type. A certain kind of guy I wanted to date. Either artsy and super-talented, or smart, geeky, and with a well-paying job.
Types don’t necessarily mean anything. Find someone with your shared values and interests, not someone who shares the right “dream job” or drives the right car, or went to the right school, or listens to your music.
You know, I met a banker guy and thought he was awesome. Finally! I thought. Someone normal. Someone with a good job. A good education. A decent life on paper. I was so quick to say, “Ooh it’s a boyfriend!”
The guy practically suffocated me to death.
Thankfully he didn’t.
This seemingly nice guy pinned all of his 6’5 bodyweight onto my 5’1 frame and called me a whore while laughing.
I thought he was going to kill me.
On paper, he looked grand. In real life? Not so much.
This isn’t to say that Bankers will all try to kill you or that good guys always turn out bad, or that you should be afraid of everyone.
This is to say: give people a chance. You never know. Your ideal may really be a “dud.” And your “dud” may really be ideal.
Also last tip?
Don’t ever do anything I did. Okay? Great!
With love, lots of hard lessons learned for you, and solidarity,
Keep fighting the good fight.