Dealing with Sex Drive Differences in Marriage

It’s advisable that you are marry someone with a similar sex drive. Who is advising you on this?


It makes life easier, and both parties often end up “satisfied.” Heh.

With that said, it’s pretty tough to find someone who you’re totally compatible with, love, and want to share the rest of your life with…that will also always have the same sex drive as you. Here are some ways to deal with differing sex drives in marriage.

Note: none of them involves packing your significant other up in shrink wrap and leaving him or her in the sea. If you’re that messed up please read someone else’s blog. Thanks!

Don’t Push

One person is often at least a little more sexual than the other person. If you happen to be the person humping the couch, whatever you do: don’t push. Don’t push your partner to do things that he or she is clearly uncomfortable with. All that will accomplish is getting your partner to resent you. While you might really need to see your partner with a woman, she might find the idea offensive and appalling. If you happen to be the one with the huge appetite, you should probably find some ways to deal with these needs privately.

By privately I don’t mean cheating. I mean, fantasy.


It’s not easy to accept that your wife won’t hook up with her best friend just because you really want her to, so this requires acceptance. And when you struggle with this acceptance, you need to indulge in fantasy. It’s safe, it’s STD free, and it keeps you faithful.

Too much fantasy?

There is a thing as too much. If you can’t enjoy sex with your partner without constantly putting on a show or need to “end” by always watching porn or going off alone to take care of “business,” then you might be completely incompatible with your partner and/or totally consumed by the fantasy, and not committed to intimacy, and that’s an issue.


Now, if you’re the one who always says no, you need to sit down and ask yourself, “Self, why am I always saying no?”

Telling your partner no all the time, is soul crushing. It is an intimacy and love killer.

Could it hurt you to have sex? Could it hurt you to try something new?

No, it won’t. It will however, kill your marriage if you keep it up.

Factors in Sex Drive

For men: money, career, weight…his partner’s weight. Having a child. Unable to have kids. Lack of self-esteem. Medications.

For a woman, all the above apply, but not as much money. Add in, lack of connection to partner, and feeling overwhelmed with the kids and chores.

Practice Makes Perfect

The more you have sex, the more you will want to do it together. If you happen to be the hornier of the two, you might find that more frequent sex will make you happier, even if your man won’t let you have an audience for your bedtime activities. You may find yourself happier, even if she thinks her best friend is nice and all, but gross to touch.

Coping With Factors

Sometimes, a person’s medication, health, or job might temporarily cause sex to decline or cease all together. How do you deal with this? It’s not easy. I won’t lie. Who likes to feel rejected night after night?

If that’s happening here are a few things you can do:

-chat with the doctor. Can medications be adjusted?

-job loss or money stress. Try to offer massage, a favorite dinner or treat, help with the job hunt, or just suggest a night out with friends. This could help cheer your partner up, and bring some sex back to the bedroom.

-cuddling. Sorry guys, I know this is not on your to-do list, but cuddling can make a partner feel better and in turn, want to have sex.

Finding someone wit the same sex drive is great but even when you do find someone with the same sex drive, you’ll both experience peaks and valleys in your sex life. As long as you both respect one another’s bodies and each other’s, you’ll do just fine.

Did you like my advice?

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If you’re curious to know what my little brain thinks about, check me out on Pinterest. Warning, I don’t do many recipes like all of the other good moms. I’m a terrible cook.

Love and Take-Out,


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