Tips to help you get pregnant: It’s time to make babies

pregnancy test

Before anyone gets any funny ideas, I am not getting pregnant, nor am I pregnant. My body is now only open for recreational purposes. Well, not for any of you. Sorry! My days as a reproductive machine are over, unless someone invents a cure or better, safer, and more reliable medications for Hyperemesis. Until then, I will just enjoy sex for sex’s sake.

But what about for those of you who really want a child?

While I can’t answer for anyone’s serious fertility issues as I am not a doctor, I can suggest a few tips to help you get that baby you’ve been dreaming of.

Note: when you get that baby, and that baby keeps you up all night or makes your nipples bleed (at least for the first few days of nursing), don’t complain to me. You asked for it! 🙂

Now, here are a few simple tips to help you or you and your lady friend get preggo…

Are you ready?

As someone who miscarried and had difficult pregnancies, I can tell you that you never know what you’re going to get when you’re pregnant. It’s a mystery. Proceed with caution!

With Eggs

Tracking your ovulation is key. Fertility Friend is a great website and phone app you can use. While it only takes once to get knocked up, it has to be once when that egg is just waiting for Mister Sperm to come into town.

Don’t assume you’re going to ovulate on Day 14 of your cycle. Not everyone does.

If you’re curious for some signs of ovulation, here are a few for me: very horny, a breakout on occasion, increased cervical mucus, and slight tinges down near my ovaries.

Figuring out when you’re ovulating will make life easier. Ovulation test kits, taking your temperature first thing in the morning (called tracking your Basal Body Temperature), tracking your cycle, etc., will all help you get the baby you’ve been looking for, as long you are ovulating, which most likely you are. If you aren’t or your cycle is erratic, contact your doctor. I just have a degree in writing. What do I know?

Make it Sexy

I’m sure my husband loved the numerous directives I gave him or the text messages stating: I’m ovulating. Come home. Now.

It was also super fun doing it every night repeatedly, with the goal of, “Can you finish please?”

It’s not romantic or fun, to be honest.

How do you beat that?

A weekend away. Date night. When your partner comes home, be naked.

Offer oral.

Get a couples’ massage. Have public sex.

Watch an “adult movie” together.

Role Play. Tie him up. Leave him there afterwards.

Have fun. Make it your goal to make sex fun. Let me tell you this, the less effort you put in, the more likely you are to get pregnant. That’s why we’ve got so many teen moms…they didn’t want to get pregnant but their bodies were relaxed…and they didn’t wear protection. (D’oh!!!)

Don’t Stress

This is the single most true advice about getting pregnant, yet it is the most annoying one. When you really want a baby, hearing the words “Don’t stress,” makes you want to shoot someone.

If you can’t stop stressing, seek accupuncture, massage, or a therapist. With my daughter, I went to an acupuncturist, and that’s what helped me get preggo. That and well-timed sex during ovulation.

And holding my legs up in the air post sex, to help guide the sperm.

Hey, men need directions.

When your ovulation time is near, see your friends. Keep busy. Do things you love.

And have sex please!

Don’t Tell

Don’t tell people you’re trying. They will annoy you about it.

Are you pregnant yet? Are you pregnant yet?

This doesn’t help when you want to make a baby.

Sex, and Often

If you don’t want to chart, take ovulation tests, or put any real effort into it, just have sex every other day.

It will make you feel closer to your partner, help you sleep better, and increase your chances of getting pregnant.

Note:  if your man’s sperm count is low, this is probably not the best plan. Strategically timing when you do it will be crucial. Save those swimmers for ovulation time. Seek a doctor too.

At the End

You’ll have a baby. Even if it takes you 6 months, most likely, you will get pregnant. If your doctor suggests seeking help with fertility, go for it! That’s why we have science. It’s here to help you. Don’t be ashamed, and don’t let other people’s BS bring you down. What you choose to do with your body, is your business.

Happy Banging and Baby-Making!



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