The Biggest Sex and Intimacy Killer: Anger

You might think that adultery or excessive drinking or maybe even traveling for work would be the biggest sex and intimacy killer in your relationship, but it’s not.

Well, yes those 3 things will kill intimacy (temporarily one hopes), the biggest erection and orgasm downer is anger.

If either you or your partner is angry enough to say, “I don’t want to deal with you right now,” it opens the floodgates to a world of no-intimacy, no sex, and no fun.

Here’s why and here’s how:


Don’t Go to Bed Angry

Cliche? Yes. True? Even more so.

Going to bed angry over a period of time, adds up. Suddenly, the things you once thought were cute about your partner, aren’t anymore. Instead of seeing her and thinking, “I’d like to tap that,” the thoughts become more like, “I’d like to punch that,” and not in a hot S&M kind of way. It’s amazing how anger can turn a once sexually pleasurable relationship with one’s partner into the Cold War.

So while it’s almost impossible at times to not go to bed wanting to strangle your partner for whatever reason, it’s important to put the kibosh on the flames pronto. That one night could turn into many.

Is She Mad? Is He Mad?

Sometimes, men cannot tell if a woman likes him. This is because men can be a little clueless. Pardon me for saying that, oh kind menfolk.

If she’s shoving you off, saying she has a headache, making sarcastic comments, or adding words into her vocabulary such as “It’s fine,” or “Whatever,” she’s probably mad at you. If she is doing this often, you need to sit her down and say, “What’s going on here?” Avoiding confrontation because you’re uncomfortable with it won’t help the matter.

Ladies: passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t work. I know it is tough to fight, but men need directions. Use “I” statements to tell him how you feel. He can’t guess. Let me know what’s up rather than fume inside like a volcano.

If he’s mad at you ladies, he’ll probably tell you, and in a totally insensitive but direct manner. This can be hurtful, but at least the elephant is not sitting idly in the corner.  Address his concerns.

Familiar Ground

If you’re angry and distant from each other often, you’ll get used to being apart. And this, is the biggest killer of all.

Don’t let it get to the point in which you don’t miss each other anymore. It’s hard to get that feeling of love back, although not impossible.


If you’re angry at each other, here are a few fun things you can do to manage it:

-mud wrestling

-have sex

-make fun of each other’s Mothers.

(NEVER DO THAT! Just do it with your friends).

-exercise together–take a run, lift some weights, or go for a hike.

-have it out. Just keep a timer. Give each person 5 minutes to speak his or her peace in silence, and then afterwards, simply repeat back what you heard the person say to be sure you were listening!

-eat large amounts of ice cream. Then, pour it on each other and lick it off.

Being angry does nothing. We’re not rabid animals, we’re people. Communicate. Hug. Masturbate together. Write a sonnet together. Whatever you do, don’t get used to being without each other or soon enough, you’ll be through.

With ice cream and red-shouting face to follow me on Twitter,

The ex-MTV Karaoke Queen,


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