I love Drag Queens. I think it’s an art. I think it’s fabulous. If there is a Drag show, sign me up.
With that said, I have much love and glitter for the Queens, but I have been noticing some parallels in Drag and 3 year-old girl behavior, so here is my sound advice on how to manage your household diva
Insane Lipstick colors:
To the wee ones: if you’re going to rock some sick looking lipstick shade, please utilize a mirror when applying so as to not get it all over your face. It looks like you had a rough night out, and not in the sexy way. In the scary way.
While Glitter is also a terrible Mariah Carey movie, glitter can add just enough sparkle to catch someone’s eye. That’s why a successful Drag Queen knows how much glitter to use and how.
To the 3 year-olds with your Disney princess dresses making houses all over the world look like the yellow brick road from OZ, or like a strip club has landed in the center of the home, please shake your princess dress and its excess glitter outside first before parading around the house to make it look like porn stars reside here.
Sashay and Shantay!:
Ru Paul said it well: “You better work it!”
With that said my little ladies, if you’re going to go to school, the ice cream parlor, or on a playdate in striped tights, yellow tutu, green sneakers, and a feather boa, plus some hideous fake jewelry, be sure to work that crowd!
Make sure everyone sees that sparkle. Smile, and show people your amazing boa. Don’t be a wallflower. Make them part the runway for you.
There is no one more fierce than a 3 year-old girl, besides possibly a house full of Drag Queens. If you’re going to cry over a ripped sticker, or a smushed grape, be sure to wear waterproof mascara*, or at least do it loud enough so that way your moms know it’s really a fake cry, and not for real.
We don’t need to be frightened anymore than we are by knowing our 3 year-old child will one day gallivant around the world, burning down houses.
If your necklace breaks, don’t cry–work the beads into your ensemble, or simply take the broken necklace and stuff it in your mother’s purse.
If your straw cup leaks, don’t whine when you’re hit with water. Tell people it’s perspiration from working on an intense dramatic scene from your new play.
When All Else Fails:
When all else fails, get a good stylist.
Note: that wouldn’t be daddy.
With sparkles, hot pink feathers, and primer for long-lasting foundation,
*P.S.: I wouldn’t recommend mascara on a 3 year-old. I would however, recommend a muzzle when you’ve had enough of them telling you what to do all day.