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Archive for April, 2014|Monthly archive page

You can’t plan life. Or Love.

In life, love on April 30, 2014 at 5:43 pm

I thought I had everything planned out right when it came to marriage, children, and work.

I waited this amount of time before marriage. This amount of time before having a child. I applied to these jobs and took these classes.

I had everything figured out. Or so I thought.

I’m not saying you should wake up every day without a goal, plan, or dream to follow, but I am saying to say “freak off” to the “rules of life” because life is going to happen no matter what you plan.

I believe people should think with their heads and feel with their hearts. This isn’t to say that decisions should be made haphazardly, but that no one needs to live life according to the rules.

A friend of mine met someone she loved right after leaving her ex-husband. He loved science fiction and she loved the way he could build things with his hands. People said it was rushed. Guess what? It worked.

Other people I know have dated and courted folks for years before marrying and what happened? Some divorced.

Some stayed together.

I’ve had friends wait years to have babies, while their marriages and careers stabilized, only to find their marriages crumbling or their pregnancies difficult and compromised. I’ve had other friends have kids at age 21 and still to this day, love their partner.

There are no rules or set determinations to “define” what will work and what won’t. The fact is, no one can technically promise forever, but someone can promise to wake up each day and try to do his or her best for his/her partner, kids, family, etc.

Shit happens. Healthy people get sick. Wealthy people become poor. And vice versa.

What rule can you follow?

You can follow this one:

No matter what,surround yourself with positive people, scenarios, jobs, and environments that make you feel like a good and worthy person. That’s your heart telling you you’re with the right one. You’re in the right field. You’re surrounded by goodness.

And then, think things through: is your heart right? What are the pros and cons?

After that, you can kiss all of the advice and rules goodbye.

Love and life can’t be planned. It happens as life is happening, and you better be ready to take it on, or lose what could be right in front of you.

It’s scary to think that life can change in a blink of an eye, but it is comforting to know that if we value ourselves and surround ourselves with people who value us, so much good can come from that.

It’s called happiness.

Kittens and Sunshine,

Laura

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Parenting is forever–not just for the first 18 years of a child’s life

In motherhood, parenthood on April 30, 2014 at 5:32 pm

When making the decision to have a child, people often immediately think about the sleepless nights of infancy, the temper tantrums of toddlerhood, and the hormone fest of the teen years. While it makes sense considering that’s going to be a big part of raising a child, when you go to make a baby, consider what happens after high school. How you support your adult children into college and hopefully, a life of independence.

Sometimes though, that doesn’t happen. Our adult children may become ill, disabled, divorced, or may need to move in with you with their adult children while say, a home is being built…or a move is being made. Sometimes adult children may need help with their offspring, homes, or career plans. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s All About the Children: Divorce and Marital Strife

In divorce, family life, marriage, motherhood, parenthood on April 29, 2014 at 6:26 pm

I hear people very often complaining in a marital separation or divorce scenario about money. Money. Money. Money. The House. Physical Items.

Divorce is devastating. I am sure some people have horrific divorces and others easy ones, but in general, most good people are not trying to scam the other out of finances or making the other person’s life a misery. I am sure it does happen yes, but overall, both parties usually want everyone to get out of the scenario as intact as possible. And in divorce, that’s almost impossible financially.

But here are a few thoughts I wanted to share. Read the rest of this entry »

A Letter on Love & Marriage to 20-somethings, from a 30-something

In love, marriage, relationships on April 23, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Hello 20-something ladies and gents:

I still remember my tweaking twenties. By tweaking I don’t mean taking drugs or rubbing my crotch against some dude. By tweaking I mean anxiety. My anxious, unsure twenties.

Sure, I’m still a little anxious and unsure now, but the kind of maturity I have today I did not have in my 20’s.

And while I am sure you are all lovely and gorgeous things, I’d like to pass my wisdom on to you. A little something I learned from dating jerks, good guys, marrying a good but incompatible guy, and then subsequently, both of us ending that marriage despite the fact that we are both good people and parents.

I hope you get something from this that I didn’t know back then when I was a 20-something blonde goddess.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why Your Preschooler May Be Acting Out

In motherhood, parenthood on April 23, 2014 at 5:27 pm

As a mom of a 3 year-old, I’m constantly trying to figure out ways to redirect, enrich, and support my daughter in making good choices.

The other day, I was working from home and had 3 phone calls/interviews. As the day went on, she had an accident and was acting out.

I couldn’t understand why she was being this way until it hit me: I’ve been busy all day and had little time to pay attention to her.

Sometimes, it’s the obvious thing that’s right in front of our faces as parents that we can change in order to help give our children the chance to succeed and make good decisions.

Here are a few reasons why your little one might be acting like a monster for the day:

Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry Paula Abdul: Opposites Don’t Attract. Forever

In love, marriage, relationships, romance on April 22, 2014 at 1:05 am

Paula Abdul, a great dancer and subpar singer (okay, I hate her voice) once said “We come together ’cause opposites attract.” She sang these lyrics with an animated cat creature.

That alone should tell you how faulty and flawed her reasoning was from the get-go. But hey, it was 1989 and a lot of shit didn’t make sense, period.

Opposites are exciting–the differences between two entirely different people make for a fire. Excitement. Intrigue. It’s like visiting another country if you’re with someone who is a 180 of you. But here’s why I think in the long run, opposites repel like wildfire.

Read the rest of this entry »

I Want You Lloyd Dobler: Real Love, Real Life, Inspired by the Movies

In love, relationships, romance on April 19, 2014 at 2:38 am

Image

He did martial arts…and hung out with an angry jilted chick with a guitar.

Who doesn’t love Lloyd Dobler?

And while I would prefer my menfolk to have a goal and direction other than following me around on a trip to college, there is something about Lloyd Dobler that makes me say, “Yes. Pick me Lloyd!”

Why I want my real-life Lloyd Dobler (and what men can learn from Lloyd.)

Read the rest of this entry »

Saying Goodbye: When the End of a Relationship, Marriage, or Affair is Near

In life, love, marriage, relationships on April 17, 2014 at 6:13 pm

There is nothing harder than saying goodbye to someone you love or care about, even if the embers of love have died or faded.

When we are in relationships, we often morph and hopefully, grow together as a couple and as individuals. Breaking up or divorcing can feel like a death of yourself. Of what was to be. Of hope.

I’m sure all of you have been on the other end telling a friend, “Just leave him/her already,” thinking of how easy it would be if YOU were that person to just wash your hands of that said partner, but it’s always easy to talk the talk, and not so easy to walk the walk.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why You Should Believe in Love

In love, marriage, relationships, Uncategorized on April 16, 2014 at 1:34 am

Unless you’re a sociopath, chances are the idea of being alone forever and ever when you’re in shitty diapers and have no teeth is pretty scary.

It’s very easy to become bitter if you’re divorced, dumped, always alone, or have been severely burned or abused in the past.

I mean, if logistically every time you’ve tried to make a real connection with someone it hasn’t worked, you’re thinking that the odds are this path will continue. And I know I’ve felt this way. Many of us have. It’s hard to let other people inside when the risk seems guaranteed to outweigh the rewards.

But how crappy would our lives be if we didn’t believe that someday, somehow, Cinderella or Prince Charming would come rounding his or her way up our block?

Here are some reasons why you should believe in love, fairy-tale love even:

Read the rest of this entry »

The Fear of the Unknown

In life on April 13, 2014 at 2:56 am

In life, every time we make a decision, we are opening one door…and closing another.

As humans, we tend to stick to things, people, habits, occupations, and scenarios that are comfortable and familiar.

If you’re used to misery, you may seek out misery.

If you’re used to abusive men or women, you may continue to seek those people out as partners.

If you’re used to being passive, you may never hear your own voice or make your own decision.

If you’re used to being pampered, you may seek out things and people that will continue this pattern.

Whatever the case may be whether it’s a good or bad habit/behavior/attachment style…

Making any type of change– small or big, can take days, minutes, months, or years, depending on the situation and the person.

Sometimes though, no matter how afraid we are, we must take the chance and make a change no matter how hard it might be.

With great risk comes great reward, and if we never try anything new or step outside of our comfort zone we will never grow.

So here I am, jumping into the water and hoping that what I find was worth the risk and is abundant in reward.

Fear is not helpful; sure, the fight or flight response helped us in our “primate” days and it’s advisable to be wary of certain things, but to be so afraid that you never take a chance is a shame.

While no one should be reckless, I cannot imagine letting my anxiety hold me back forever.

It’s there. I feel it inside of me. It keeps me up at night sometimes, but I won’t grow into a better Laura without ignoring the fear and saying hello to being decisive.

Take a bite out of something unknown. It might just be the best choice you ever made.

Laura