Men will often say, “Oh she’s got Daddy issues,” as if every problem a woman has stems from the first man she met: her father.
And while I think the phrase is taken too lightly,let’s face it: the first experience a woman has with a man (her father or fathers as it may be) will create a blueprint for future men she chooses.
Consider this powerful thought: the conversations a husband has with his wife…the way he fights with her. Talks to her. Loves or not loves her, is how his daughter/s will approach men, at least, until a girl grows up and recognizes this.
This could be great. If a man is a loving father and attentive to his daughter’s needs, not focusing on her looks or beauty but rather her smarts or basic values, that daughter will choose the same.
But this could be disastrous: if a father is negligent, cruel, or distant, the girl could grow to pick the same until she realizes that she shouldn’t try to fix her father metaphorically through her relationship with another man.
Here are some ways a guy can cope with a woman who has legitimate Daddy issues:
If a woman is needy, it can be taxing. It can take a lot of love and energy to keep up with that need. You may decide to cut her loose, and I can’t blame you, but if you do decide to stay, here’s what you can do:
–tell her that her neediness is unattractive and making you back away.
–ask her why she feels the need to ask so much of you.
–ask her if her father was negligent or distant.
–encourage her to do things for herself, see friends alone, or try a hobby out just for herself, and not for you as a couple.
–tell her she’s great and name other positive things about her–and encourage her to do the same to herself.
If you can’t handle the neediness and you need to break it off, no one will blame you but let her know why. Maybe she’s not at that point of understanding herself yet.
Some girls are spoiled rotten by their fathers and then in turn, expect future guys to do the same.
If she is bratty and ungrateful, dump her.
If of course you love her and find she’s got other great traits, stop giving in to her.
Saying No and telling her that just because you don’t bend at her every beck and call doesn’t mean you don’t love her, should hopefully do the trick.
If it doesn’t and she’s still a rotten brat, kick her rump to the curb.
Metaphorically, not literally.
A woman raised by an aggressive or violent dad may be very timid. She might have a hard time standing up to you. She may come off as passive-aggressive (ugh, my least favorite trait!).
Refusing to move until she talks about a topic, trying to get her to relax before talking, or sensing her reluctance to speak with you on how she feels will help coax this kitten into a cowgirl.
Some people are naturally timid–I am not one of those people myself— but if her timidity comes from being bullied, you need to be patient and love the hell out of that woman!
If she doesn’t like to listen to you because “No man tells her what to do,” then try tricking her into thinking it was her idea first.
Let her lead, but of course, don’t be a dishtowel. No one wants a soggy man–not that you have to be some aggressive brute.
Take turns leading and if you have to confront her, try to do it in such a way that it comes off more as discussion than accusation.
A girl with a mom who constantly catered to her father may be very rebellious or refuse to really be passive to a man, not that she should be, but constantly battling is not good.
Try to recognize where it comes from, and value the things she does. Be a full partner and she will see that not every dude wants a woman barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. If you do…kindly don’t tell me.
A woman who is too often ready to cut you down because you’re a guy is probably not ready to be intimate with you. Break it off.
I’m a feminist, but I love men. Which makes me a Manist because I can’t get enough of you people…even though you piss me off sometimes.
What can I say? I’m a wee bit rebellious.
So that ends our tale of daddy issue woe.
Remember: men have mommy issues, and those aren’t much fun to deal with either. As parents, none of us can be perfect and so our kids will be impacted by that, but we can do our best to be good role models in both our own actions and in our actions as a married or co-parenting couple.
Stay tuned for my next episode of: He’s got mommy issues!
Rebellious and Sometimes Needy.