Unless you’re a sociopath or a loner, you most likely want to find a partner. Maybe many, maybe two, but most likely one.
Dating and relationships aren’t always easy. If they were, we writers would have nothing to write about I suppose, and therapists would be extinct, more or less.
Here’s a look at how thinking about evolution could parlay well into your dating and love life.
It would be interesting to dissect how the hunter role plays in gay male relationships. It seems that many of my gay men friends are happy in their relationships, and also enjoy sex quite a bit.
To me, that says something, but the hunter role seems to work well in straight relationships.
Men don’t want something that is easy to attain.
Does this mean no female should have one night-stands or random hookups? No of course not, but it does mean that if you want a man to stick around, make the prey attractive. Create desire. Create the hunt.
What about how you treat him, Laura?
Treating a man as if he has done something amazing, or will do or can do something amazing…is akin to stroking his ego after approaching a hard prey to kill.
Let him feels as if he is charge–sometimes– and boost his ego when he does something right, especially when it comes to his career, finances, or body.
Pet the kitty ladies. They’re a tender bunch, even though they don’t seem it.
Give him a path to find you: don’t be a flake or play games–that’s not what I mean about letting him hunt you down. You can be honest, but not too easy.
You are delicious meat. Flavor yourself. Gather your stripes. Let him indulge in the chase.
But of course, don’t let him chase you just to reject him. That’s just cruel!
When I was pregnant, men flocked to tell me how cute I was, once I was past the emaciated hyperemesis state around 7 -9 months. It’s amazing how proof of life calls the bees to the honey.
So with that said, when you’re walking, walk confidently. They are eyeing your hips, the hunters. They are watching to see how other men respond, and then to decide how they will stake their claim.
The joke amongst my LGBT friends was, “When do Lesbians move in together? The first date.”
So it may be that gatherers “gather” together quickly when amongst each other for survival. I don’t know. I’m a writer and comic, with 70 credits in psychology, not a shrink. How or if evolution plays a part in dating amongst straight or gay couples isn’t for me to say, but…
Men, how do you use this to your advantage?
Show your hunting ability. Lean muscle mass over fat. Success in a job–doesn’t have to be one that commands wealth, but just has to be one you can “strut” your stuff on and fluff your mane about.
Provide solutions to the woman. Give her a feeling of safety.
Talk to her. Decide what her underlying psychological needs are, and then meet them.
Is she timid?
Do what you can to bring the lionness to the surface?
Is she sexual?
Bring her home the kill. Whether that’s chasing her, wooing her, or literally showing off your muscle or wit, show her you are an appropriate mate for her desire.
Sensing your fertility and strength is attractive to the gatherer. She finds you will be of worth.
Now, does this mean if you like poetry over push-ups you’re doomed?
Nope. It means offering her poetic solutions to her answers, fears, and feelings that will make her decide she needs you.
If none of this stuff works for any of you, don’t bitch to me. I’m just a blonde girl with a serious chocolate fix and a love of words.
I’m just trying to help. So men, brush up on all of your resources, kills, and abilities. Bring them to the gatherer. Present them as solutions. Meet her underlying psychological needs.
Women? Let him hunt for you. Stroke his mane or whatever you like. Demonstrate your vitality whether it’s through a strut, soft-voice, or charming smile. Demonstrate your ability to care. Your resourcefulness. Provide a place of comfort and compassion so that the hunter may be vulnerable in your presence.
And then, when all else fails, have sex and be merry.
With kisses, dead animals, and pheromones,