Unless you’re a sociopath, chances are the idea of being alone forever and ever when you’re in shitty diapers and have no teeth is pretty scary.
It’s very easy to become bitter if you’re divorced, dumped, always alone, or have been severely burned or abused in the past.
I mean, if logistically every time you’ve tried to make a real connection with someone it hasn’t worked, you’re thinking that the odds are this path will continue. And I know I’ve felt this way. Many of us have. It’s hard to let other people inside when the risk seems guaranteed to outweigh the rewards.
But how crappy would our lives be if we didn’t believe that someday, somehow, Cinderella or Prince Charming would come rounding his or her way up our block?
Here are some reasons why you should believe in love, fairy-tale love even:
There’s nothing wrong with being alone or single. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own company or needing time to yourself. But day in and day out, having hope that there will be someone who–warts and all (metaphorically speaking about the warts, unless you’re into that)–wants to save the last dance for you, and possibly chase after you when you leave your shoe, bra, panties, etc. at his house will create that energy to bring someone into your life.
Believing that love can exist for you in your life makes a sort of spiritual space for someone to find you.
I believe if you keep the door closed, no one will knock forever. Eventually, the person’s hand will start to hurt. Being open to the possibility that there is someone for you whether she’s a babe in a track suit, or a mousy quiet girl with bad hair will just allow you to find love.
All of us have wounds from love and relationships. Some of us more than others. It’s important to heal from these emotional injuries so you’re able to invite a new, healthy, and legitimate love into your life after these negative experiences.
Most importantly, you need to let that healing happen. What good does it do you to be bitter and angry? Being bitter doesn’t get you anywhere. It just makes you an angry and unhappy person to be around. Letting yourself close the door on bad chapters and events is a sign of power and maturity. It is a sign of growth. Maybe you won’t forget the time your husband banged his secretary or the time your wife ran away with the gardener, but forgiving and shutting that part out of your mental energy and space will let you move forward.
There’s an ass for every seat
Just like there’s an ass for every seat, there’s someone out there for you. Your Prince Charming might make minimum wage and chew his gum a little too loudly, but maybe he makes you laugh and is amazing in bed. Maybe he listens to you and brings you hot chocolate when you’re sad. Maybe he watches cartoons with you when you are sick and never forgets to kiss you goodbye.
Cinderella might be ample in the hips–hey to each his or her own. Some like ’em thick and others skinny. Cinderella might also burn microwavable popcorn. But maybe when you’re sick she takes care of you. Maybe she throws a mean ball. Maybe she’s orally gifted and likes 90’s grunge as much as you do.
There’s someone for everyone. And in theory, there are probably a few someones for everyone–monogamy isn’t easy but it is possible with the right partner–but there is a right person for even the most difficult of people. Hey, I bet Hitler’s mom loved him…right????
As Ella Fitzgerald sang, “Ss’wonderful…”
Love feels good emotionally and literally.
I remember how amazing I felt breastfeeding my daughter. All of that oxytocin was overwhelming and joyful.
I remember the first time seeing someone and thinking to myself, “There is something about this person that is just so wonderful…I can’t explain it. It’s so right.”
Oyxytocin, Oxytocin, Oxytocin.
Love doesn’t stay like this forever. After a few years or more, it’s insane oxytocin high dies down, but if the love is made out of a genuine place…if the connection is real…if the two people in awe of each other are healthy and happy people who picked each other out of genuine care and compatibility, it lasts.
No matter how hurt I have been or discouraged, I know that relationships and marriages can work. Is it always easy?
No. Like I wrote before: 50% of marriages end in divorce. The other 50 in masturbation.
But I believe real love exists. It is sophisticated. Unfailing. Challenged. Generous. Selfish. Intense. Scary.
Relentless. Pausing. Regenerating. Impatient. Patient. Satisfying. Unsatisfying.
We cannot be at our maximum best at each moment. Relationships require push and pull, give and take, and sometimes…we temporally fail one another as partners, but we always–if we love–try our best the next time.
Maybe I am a fool to believe that there is a fairy tale ending for everyone, even if the fairy tale isn’t as picture perfect smooth as the Disney movies tell us it is, but even those movies show strife. Poisonous apples. Wicked Stepmothers. Dying parents. Conflict of the heart.
You can walk around being afraid to get close to someone. You can continue to choose jerks who won’t commit so when it fails, you don’t feel terribly hurt. You can run away from genuine and kind people.
Hey, I’ve done that before. Stupidly.
But life is meaningless in my humble blonde opinion without love of some kind. And yes, you need self-love. Family love. But being with others. Being connected with others teaches us about ourselves and makes us a better person, when we’re with someone who is good to us and loves us unfailingly yet failingly (loves truly and accepts us for who we are–unfailingly; failingly–we can’t be perfect partners all the time, so we love as best we can).
The marital statistic of 50% married and 50% divorced is scary.
Scary because it’s real. Because it hurts.
I have no idea what the stats are on relationships in non-marital status, but even with that roll of the dice up above, I still believe that love makes us better people. More compassionate. Teaches us about our limitations and while our friends, hobbies, individual needs, and for those of us who have them, children make us a full human being, the value of intimacy–good connected intimacy is so important.
Go out tonight and dance with a few frogs.
Go out tomorrow and do it over again.
Eventually, you’ll find your Prince. You’ll find your Queen.
Not everyone is a dud.
Just leave the door ajar, and when it happens, welcome it with open arms.
There are no guarantees. Not even when you say, “I do,” is there a guarantee. All you can do is your best, and throw out a line into the water and hope to catch enough fish to survive.
I may be just an ex-MTV personality, but I’m seasoned in life. I think love is worth it, despite all the pain that can come from it. Feel free to comment differently or in agreeance, but without love, what would Shakespeare and the rest of the world have to contemplate?
Glass Slippers, Thorny Roses, Stolen Kisses, and Evil Stepmothers,