There is nothing harder than saying goodbye to someone you love or care about, even if the embers of love have died or faded.
When we are in relationships, we often morph and hopefully, grow together as a couple and as individuals. Breaking up or divorcing can feel like a death of yourself. Of what was to be. Of hope.
I’m sure all of you have been on the other end telling a friend, “Just leave him/her already,” thinking of how easy it would be if YOU were that person to just wash your hands of that said partner, but it’s always easy to talk the talk, and not so easy to walk the walk.
Even if you know you don’t work as a couple anymore, it can be hard to shake hands and wish the other person well.
There was time invested. Money. Love. Hopes. Dreams.
And when you say goodbye to someone you once loved or still love, it’s like telling your dreams, money, and time to essentially, Fuck Off.
It’s admitting: it failed.
There is nothing harder than swallowing that drink of failure down, at times.
But when you know in your heart that you have done everything you possibly could have to make it work…to keep it going…and it’s still not working, that’s when you can tell yourself that:
No. I’m not a failure. I’m a success.
You’re a success by having the balls and courage to admit that something isn’t working…and then giving yourself and the other person the chance to love again and be happy. You’re a success because you didn’t blindly plunder on in misery. Because you didn’t just give up–you tried to make it work.
And maybe you were the one still trying and the other person was the one to call the shot: you’re not a failure…you’re just beginning to succeed. To accept the end, and while it may not have been what you wanted originally, I’m willing to bet that eventually you will find that end to be a blessing, a gift, and the beginning of something new.
Sometimes saying goodbye is the sign of success: that you are self-aware enough and caring enough to make the choice to give this person and yourself a new start.
And that is the greatest and most unselfish act of love of all: setting someone free to be happy…to be who he or she needs to be, even if he or she isn’t the happiest person in the world…you’re letting the person discover whatever it is he or she is looking for.
So if you’re divorcing or breaking up and you’ve done all you can–and can answer that little voice inside of your heart and head that says “I did all I could”, just know that while this part of your life didn’t end how you wanted it too, it is now free to start off in ways you may never have even dreamed yet.
It could be even better.
There may be a fairy tale ending larger than you imagined and now you get to create it.
Fairy Godmothers and Second Chances,