frommtvtomommy

It’s All About the Children: Divorce and Marital Strife

In divorce, family life, marriage, motherhood, parenthood on April 29, 2014 at 6:26 pm

I hear people very often complaining in a marital separation or divorce scenario about money. Money. Money. Money. The House. Physical Items.

Divorce is devastating. I am sure some people have horrific divorces and others easy ones, but in general, most good people are not trying to scam the other out of finances or making the other person’s life a misery. I am sure it does happen yes, but overall, both parties usually want everyone to get out of the scenario as intact as possible. And in divorce, that’s almost impossible financially.

But here are a few thoughts I wanted to share.

No matter how broke you are post-marriage, remember that it’s about what makes the most sense for the children. What helps them adjust the most and see both parents equally. It’s about working together, even if you can’t stand your ex.

You can’t bury your money or your house when you die. Divorce slices both ways: rarely is one person incredibly happy about the financial outcome, and with that said, put your anger aside and do what’s best for the wee ones.

KIds don’t ask to be born. They don’t ask for us to marry or divorce. As long as a parent is stable, be positive about your ex in front of the kids and encourage your child to have as steady of a life post-divorce as he/she did while you were married.

It’s easy to get involved in the “He got this and I didn’t game.”

It’s easy for In-Laws, friends, and other family members like siblings to talk crap about the ex/exs around the kids

What isn’t easy is the detrimental effects felt by the child or children.

Feeling as if the child is the go-between for two grown  adults, or subjecting to hearing a family member bash a loved parent. Or feeling as if their parents will never co-exist peacefully.

Divorce sucks. It’s shit, it’s shite, it’s poopy.

But don’t make it worse on the little ones who didn’t ask to be born, and didn’t ask for two parents who couldn’t get along.

Just do your best. Divorce isn’t pretty and no one wants to see his or her family and finances devastated. Just do your best and try to be kind to each other. This isn’t a winning situation.

Divorcing with dignity is way better than married and fighting. It’s painful and hard, and everyone feels the grief over the “dead marriage.” I’m not saying you should stay married but instead, just try to focus on the kids…easier than focusing on the fact that your savings is long gone.

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  1. It is shock when things go south. You are correct. You may not have warm fuzzy feelings towards your ex but not being civil does not help anyone.

    Life changes and people change. The agreement that me and my ex drafted up 15 years ago is not even followed now. It is just some old legal paperwork stuck in a drawer. Instead of being a-holes to each other; we focus on the job of raising our child. That is the important matter above all else. I am sure he appreciates seeing us solve issues without fighting each other.

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