frommtvtomommy

What I Learned From My Trip To The Place of My Marriage

In divorce, life, love, marriage on May 28, 2014 at 1:29 am

Bride

That was me as a bride, approximately 6 years ago.

Over the weekend, I was in the same area where I got married. I looked at all the spots where we took photos. I saw the place where we were married and had the reception.

All of this would have been sentimental and romantic if I were not staring in the face of a divorce.

Here’s what I learned from the trip:

Not Ready

To let go really. I still don’t know if it’s the right choice but seems as if I have no choice at this point but to move forward…it’s not only my decision you know.

But it’s not just that. It’s hard to let go of all the memories. People love to say, “Oh move on, you weren’t happy etc, etc,” but to really shut the door on such a long part of my life–almost 8 years–is horrific.

The smallest things can conjure up a memory in the wrong way.

It’s Not Just the Marriage You Say GoodBye To

It’s everything it represents. It feels like failure. It’s saying goodbye to your life and dreams. It’s moving forward and having no idea what the future will bring. For me, it’s saying goodbye to the family life and dreams that I had and that we had.

It’s sitting on Memorial Day alone with friends but without your family.

It is like a slow death.

Vulnerable

I cannot tell you some of the most obnoxious overtures that I have experienced…and how turned off it makes me.

In this state, I am vulnerable and not about to take these gestures so lightly.

In other words, leave me alone. Please.

I am fragile and delicate. I am not brave enough yet for your manliness. Thanks.

Remember the Beginning

If you think your marriage is struggling and you don’t feel the same, stop it.

The grass isn’t necessarily greener…a lot of men seem to think that way. Women too I suppose.

Remember the beginning. The good feelings. The positive things. If you can’t find any, your marriage is probably done, but stress can really dampen the fire. Fighting can dampen the fire. Remember the beginning and the good. Bring it back in your heart. If marriage were easy, we would all stay together forever and the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. Work at it. It could very well be worth it. At least we definitely tried, but there were times we both could have remembered the beginning more.

Everything Looks Good On Paper

When you meet someone, don’t think about how you can change someone. Think if this person will help you through the worst times because they will happen. Trust me.

Last Man Standing

I have to say. I took a look at online dating. Took 3 days just to see what these sites had to offer. Went out with nobody mind you, but who could blame me for just looking at what my future might bring?

Ugh.

The amount of freaks, married men in disguise on their wives, pests, and cheesy comments was enough to remind me why I married my husband in the first place.

It’s a shame we are so different. He is a decent guy. I fear I am destined for a life of solitude. The quality is so poor. It makes me feel worse to know that this is ending when my husband is a good person…unlike people divorcing scumbags.

Hold Up

If you’re divorcing and dying to get laid…well I can’t fault you but don’t use someone to get over another person. It is hurtful.

We Tried

We may have been an unlikely match but we still tried for almost 8 years together. Is it worse to have tried or worse if we had given up from the get go? I can’t answer that but at least we gave it our best, or I think we did.

Sometimes, when I am crying like a little bitch in the middle of the night or right in public during the day, I think I didn’t. I pull myself apart for everything.

Why didn’t I make the coffee?

Why did I like to work out so much?

Why did I X or Y? Why did he X or Y?

Why is this happening to me?

I wish I had the answers.

Do You Ever Know?

I don’t know if I will ever know if this is the right thing or not. He seems convinced it is for the best for us. I don’t know. Will I ever know? Maybe the Laura from the future. The scary part about marriage and divorce is that all too often we don’t really know, but we take the chance. And that’s all life is: a series of chances.

So Long Ago

I don’t remember exactly that girl in the photo, but I remember her happiness. I remember the feeling that I had been granted my own Prince Charming.

And the dreams I had. I had never imagined being married or meeting someone.

I suppose I feel the same hopelessness now..being alone forever, and then in walked the person I married.

Maybe that means it will happen again. I don’t know.

What I do know is that divorce sucks and I feel for anyone going through it.

It’s a hell I would wish on no one.

Laura

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  1. I lost my first wife to another man – my 2nd to lung cancer

    now I am in the twilight of my years and likely to die alone

    you have years yet ahead of you

    from your pic you look like a beautiful woman

    and from your posts you come across as a nice, loving person

    do not despair

    you have time enough to meet someone to fill the void in your life you are feeling right now

    do not build a wall around your heart

    leave a door open for someone to enter through

    • What you wrote made me cry…in the good way.
      I am so sorry number one for your loss and for your betrayal that you experienced…
      I know I should be more positive but I feel…devastated I suppose. Sad for me. Sad for my kid. Just sad.
      I will try to stay open though 🙂
      Thank you so much!

  2. […] be able to be strong enough to say it’s done. I don’t know. I know it sucks, but I see happily married people all the time and believe that it could work. maybe not for me, but for […]

  3. Its okay to feel sad, angry, and worried….after you go through your grieving process..you will heal and be okay…I wish you the best. I have been through it and now I’m remarried and enjoying the experience. I learnt from the first relationship and now I feel I became a better partner, spouse, friend, etc. Don’t look at your divorce as a loss…but a learning experience.

    • Thank you for this… I am definitely hopeless in terms of believing I would meet someone I like that’s right since after such a long time he was my 1st only love despite dating alot, but I do believe in marriage…so at least I’m not bitter!

  4. […] old to have just one kid…and being divorced is not common in my […]

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