Mommy’s Day without Daddy

Everyone sent me Mother’s Day texts.

And I was with my daughter. It was a beautiful day.

So why was I so sad?

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What to Do When You’ve Been Dumped, Left, Divorced, or Abandoned: A Go-to Guide

Getting dumped, divorced, or left sucks. It’s not fun. It’s lonely. It’s sad. It stinks big time.

What’s a guy or girl to do though when this happens?

Here’s my go-to guide on what to do when some man or woman didn’t realize how amazing you truly are:

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The Language of Women: A Few Basics for Men

Are you there Men? It’s me. Laura. Pint-Sized Blonde Goddess of a Neurotically Warm and Open Nature.

I noticed you complain about how difficult we are to understand.

So true.

So I decided to throw out a few pointers to all of you struggling with women, a woman, or a few women.

Hey, whatever your flavor is your choice. As my dad always says when I ask him what he wants for Father’s Day: “A Blonde, A Brunette, and a Redhead.”

Too bad they don’t come that cheap Dad.

Anyway, I digress. Here are a few basic pointers to keep in the back pocket of your mind the next time you are dealing with a woman.

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The One Thing Children Need

Dear Mom and Dad.

Or Mom and Mom.

or Dad and Dad.

Or Mom.

Or Dad.

You get the drift:

You may think a good childhood consists of Disney vacations, Mommy and me classes, adorable matching outfits from Gymboree, the latest toys and educational devices, and a healthy diet.

While I won’t deny the power of healthy food or a pair of Mickey ears (FYI- I never went to Disney), that’s not what kids need to have a great childhood. Continue reading

How to Turn Off A Newly Single Woman

Hey Fellas (and Ladies):

I forgot how persistent and blatant you people can be once you suspect or have confirmed that a woman is now a single or potentially single person.

The pick up lines. Comments. Blatant jokes about her new status.

It all seems so cute, doesn’t it?

To you it does.

Not to us.

It’s a little annoying.

If you want to hit on someone, intelligence, verbal mastery, and flattering compliments are more appropriate than outright tawdry crap. You are more apt to get bees that way my darlings.

Otherwise, you will be licking your own wounds after I’ve proverbially or metaphorically, or hell, physically kicked you in the balls.

When you come on so strong like a bull, it feels as if we’ve been this target you’ve been waiting for…just desperately pacing it out until we would be free bait again. Feeling like a hunted creature doesn’t exactly bring out the sexiness in us, FYI.

Usually, it feels a wee bit stalkerish.

Just saying.

Love,

Your Very Uninterested “Friend”

Blondie.

To get snazzy tips on snagging ladies, surviving relationships and marriage, and maintaining one’s sanity with a child, follow me on frommtvtomommy.com

Smooches!

Dear Daughter: I Ate Your Chocolate Rabbit

Dear Daughter:

I ate the head off your chocolate rabbit and now, I am in tears over it.

Hormonal, stressed, and a wee bit sad, I looked around the house for chocolate, but I couldn’t find any,

Besides…a really nastily sweet tasting Hello Kitty made of chocolate…and a solid chocolate rabbit.

It was yours. One of many chocolate rabbits and candy you got for Easter… Continue reading

Thank You to the Man Who Made Me a Mother

“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.”
― Howard W. Hunter

While I am definitely not holy, taking on motherhood has changed me in ways I both expected and didn’t.

As children, our mother taught us that being loyal to our blood was not only a must, but also a necessity to survive. When I brought my daughter into the world after 24 hours of labor, 5 hours of pushing, and a subsequent C-section, I knew loyalty when as I lay like Jesus on the cross (being sewn up, arms stretched in a cross, and body feeling bizarre), I saw this lovely face presented to me.

When I took her first to my breast,I knew she was mine, made of me and her father, and my kin. As scared as I was to change her diaper or do the wrong thing, I was filled with the assurance that she was mine. Mine! Ours! Our daughter.

Real uncompromisable love. How I would work to grow it and earn her love!

I cherished the time I had with her while at home as a newborn and infant, although it was lonely at times and exhausting, but still, my loyalty, attachment, and devotion grew. To be honest, I had never quite known such happiness, such duty, such work, and such sacrifice. I was a late bloomer and while I had taught preschool, infancy was foreign to me. I was the baby of the family, and as such my daughter was the first infant other than nieces and nephews to garner my affection.

The other day though, someone commented how it was “too bad my soon to be ex-husband and I did not decide to part ways before she was born.”

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