I learned a little about marriage from being married. I am still technically married although separated and while I am not happy about it nor do I want this to end, it is, so you might as well garner some knowledge from me while you still can folks.
If you’re thinking of saying “I Do,” consider these things.Mind you, these things don’t really have much to do with my personal marriage, but they are things I learned while married from myself, him, other couples, and the world.
I divulge…Not Gonna Change
If you’re not marrying that exact person that will walk down the aisle with you right this minute, walk away. The person will not change. Don’t expect him/her to. Don’t wait for him/her to. Marry the person as is. If you can’t accept that the person is anxious, high-energy, shy, timid, poor, fat, or whatever, don’t say “I do.”
It’s all fun and games in the beginning but you will be tested somehow. If you’re already fighting and breaking up all the time, don’t get married. Breaking up is easy. Divorce is lethal and expensive.
If you are timid to ask a partner for more sex or less sex currently, don’t think this timidity will serve you well while married. Be able to talk and discuss your intimate life right this very minute so you both are happy before saying “I do.” You should never feel embarrassed about discussing these things with the person you’re about to be betrothed to.
Under the Carpet
If there are issues or things that matter very much to you yet your partner doesn’t want to discuss it, don’t just ignore the elephant in the room. On the other hand, I have read from many therapists that it is NOT necessary to disclose everything about your life and mind with your partner constantly unlike our American views of candor and total disclosure. But this isn’t about disclosing everything. This is about discussing some major issues ahead of time to find either A; common ground B: a resolution or C: a total acceptance that you guys can’t agree. It is normal and apparently healthy to not always agree and to know that there will always be issues in a relationship. A good relationship isn’t perfect but instead, is worth working on each day.
Moral of this Married Story?
It didn’t work for me, which really sucks. I would be willing to try probably a billion times over, but it takes more than one, and maybe it’s good to be able to be strong enough to say it’s done. I don’t know. I know it sucks, but I see happily married people all the time and believe that it could work. maybe not for me, but for others.
Love much and have sex often,