As a woman who writes about dating, love, and marriage for multiple sites, including an online dating site, I think it’s time I gave you some cold and tough advice on those profiles.
Here are 5 things you need to stop doing on your profiles, please!
Headless Naked Pics
Hey dick. It’s nice that you’ve got a great body and since you’re not rocking a hard-on, I’m not sure about the actual dick, but the underwear is nice.
But you know, a headless photo is a sure fire indicator that you’re a married dude hoping your wife won’t find you on dating sites looking for tail.
Listen: if you think she won’t recognize your body, you’re a total schmuck! I hope she fries your ass when she catches you. It’s not like she hasn’t seen you naked before, you putz.
Might you learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”? This goes for women too…but there’s nothing worse than comma splices, poor spelling, and improper use of pronouns in a dating profile. You’re a big boy now: get a dictionary or ask someone for help. You’d be amazed at how much oral you will earn by appearing educated.
Well, um okay. Don’t judge!
This goes for females too, but man I did my research and like I said, I write for an online dating site, and man the men hands down had the cheesiest selfies ever. Get someone to take a decent photo of you. Someone has to like you enough to do it 🙂
Macho, Macho Man
Me personally, I like a hard body and a 401K. Call me an ass or call me female. My husband was very cute. Still is. Too bad he doesn’t love me.
Anyway, I digress.
I cannot stand when a hardbodied dude has cheesy photos showing off his muscles. How about a classy photo with a classy outfit that shows off your lean physique without you looking like a douche? Personality counts my friend. K. Thanks.
Answer in Complete Sentences. And Be Honest (Oops, that was a fragment!)
People aren’t too honest online. Please be honest.
Please also answer in complete sentences. The dudes who do so come off like super-uber intelligent, which is hot, and makes every other XY look silly. Just saying.
Take the effort so you can find the babe you’re looking to marry or bang, whatever the case may be, but at least put some elbow grease into the damn thing. It’s your dating or marrying, or as it may be, banging resume, so polish it up sweetheart.
I lied–I have 6 tips!
Photos With Babies
When you take a photo with someone else’s kids, sometimes you look cute and other times you look desperate. Choose those photos wisely!
Note: As a marketing professional, former teacher, and generally sexually frustrated individual, excuse my snarkiness but damnit, I’m right.
Love and No Cheesy Selfies or Fragments,