More Things You Shouldn’t Put On A Dating Profile: How to Online Date

It’s a scary world out there, but the fact is that you gotta live in it, and for some of us, date in it.

I haven’t dared to reach out to some of the nut jobs I see online, but I have learned some valuable lessons.

Dudes, if you want to nab a date or a hot “ride” for the night, here are some additional things you need to consider. To read my first 5 tips for what to NOT put on your online dating profile boys, go here.

Now without further adieu, here goes part II:

Your Penis Size

I saw a dude’s profile and under a question titled “Something private about yourself,” he announced he was well-endowed. He then added an update stating he won’t send people photos of his penis but that his penis size is somewhere in the likes of 11 inches long and 8 inches girth.


Unless you have a foot for a penis and I hope you don’t because I find feet a bit creepy, I call bullshit.

I also think that any fool can go online and say, “Yeah, I’m 5’10” when really he’s 5’5.
Don’t believe the hype ladies unless you’ve seen the foot, I mean penis yourself.

And if you have, send me photos.


I saw an old friend online spouting to be 28…more like 35.

Sometimes people, especially women, lie about age by a year or 3 in order to get responses. While I can’t totally blame anyone, just be prepared for some dates to get angry.

Vituperative Messages

One dude has messaged me 4 times. I have not responded, but I have read the messages because they’re batshit crazy and amusing. Let me be clear: I find most of this stuff entertaining still and not a real way to actually meet someone. I met my husband through social media and he had shared mutual friends. Way more trustworthy.

Anyway, dude was yelling at me like, “Least you could do is say you’re not interested! Why aren’t you messaging me?”

After this 50th message…you would think he’d get the hint as I still ignore him.


Single Again

Get an original profile name. I have seen a billion versions of single again. No crap jerk. Most of us are single again and that’s why we are all here desperate to find one sane person to grab coffee with without being sent down a river.

Get original.

Not Too Original

One dude messaged me saying, “I like your nose. You look dangerous.”

It was amusing, but nothing more than that. Since when was a 100 pound 5’1 and a half–that half is important–dangerous?

I rest my case.

Be unique but not so weird that there is no hope for you.

With motherly love and a dangerous glare,


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