Something I have noticed as of late is that suddenly, quite a few people have become experts on life. Not theirs, mine.
Most people mean well and want to help. I am guilty of this as well, but it is funny how people can be so sure of someone else’s choices.
Now that my family is torn apart, it seems that divorce gives everyone this place to make suggestions on what I should do on everything from dating (not dating anyone nosy bitches) to my kid to him to everything pretty much.
It makes me laugh inside, as most of the times, the people really have never been in my situation so their ideas are all little “theories” based on something read or taught or thought.
One person gave a whole bunch of suggestions to me…and I was like, wait a second..there are so many assumptions…that made no sense to my reality at all.
I think at heart most folks mean well and want to help, but I also think it is very easy to sit back and give sage advice at my life because there’s seems so perfect.
The other day, I had a glorious day at the boardwalk with my daughter and her dad.
It felt like it did in the very beginning. The first days.
I wondered, “Why is this ending? Why does this have to end?”
In my mind I know the answer I suppose, but the thing is, maybe I don’t.
I learn something new each day about myself and my kid, and sometimes him.
How other people have the answers already, I can’t fathom.
One year ago I was in the same boat except for I’ve done a ton of writing and marketing work this year and can ask for more money, and the situation wasn’t a definite.
I gained so much knowledge and perspective on the situation that I didn’t have then.
Each day, I learn something new. And while I think I have the answers for other people, I think it’s just easier when it is not you in the hot seat.
I remember when I first got married…and a few years or more into it, how people would come to me with messy lives, and I would try to help. It felt surreal. My world felt relatively safe, stress-free, and happy–something I wanted very much after many scenarios of sadness. It felt easy to advise as I could walk away and say,”Glad it’s not me…whew.”
Well, now in some extents although judging by our boardwalk trip and friendliness together it’s the best of a worst situation,it is me.
I am the situation that my friends probably say,”here’s some advice…and I’m glad it’s not me.”
We all have our turn. It’s just important to remember to have kindness and perspective because guess what, your turn will be next. Maybe it won’t be losing a family, but it will be something else.
Having kindness and realizing that as much advice as we have to offer, we are still not bearing the load that the other person is.
I suppose this heartache has taught me to have a lot more patience with others, and to be even more understanding than I was before.
Still, I wish it could always be like the day on the boardwalk, together. A family.
With Ferris Wheels, Skee Balls, and Funnel Cakes,