frommtvtomommy

Let’s Talk About Male Privilege

In men, sex, women's issues on July 10, 2014 at 1:40 am

While I recognize that men share their hardships and trials in life…and I know that in constructing ideas about female identity (did I lose everyone? I hope not) that this in turn shapes ideas and “laws” about male identity, there are some great male privileges that I always wish I had freely, and no, I’m not talking about walking around shirtless. Sorry, dudes.

Let’s Begin:

Taking Names And Doing People

It’s okay for men to take charge. When I try to be assertive, I am called pushy.

If I want to have sex, it is considered distasteful if I announce that to anyone…and if I assert myself to ask my partner for it, I sometimes get responses like, “I don’t want my partner.wife.woman wanting/asking for X, Y, Z.”

Someone told me the other day how they noticed that young guys like me…yet if I were to start taking on a few, I am sure people would instantly say cougar, but not in a respectful or proud way, but more in a “Jesus, control yourself kind of way” yet dudes can do chicks decades younger and it’s all part of being a MAN.

Lustful

It is okay for men to be lustful and want for nothing but a quickie. If a woman wants that…well she’s a damn whore. If she doesn’t want anything…she’s a prude, and if she holds out enough…well then she is worthy. Yet if a man doesn’t hold out he is still worthy. We are supposed to be sexy but not too much. Supposed to have sex but not too much. There are too many rules. Sex and respect are so interlinked that any move a woman makes seems detrimental or dangerous to her reputation…which must remain in tact to be wanted.

Career

In some ways this is what can suck for men. If a man wants to put career second and children first, he’s probably frowned upon. But if he wants an identity outside of his identity as father, it’s already known and accepted. People are able to differentiate between the man as father and the man as man. When it comes to women, this is not so clear. This is often why a husband’s attitude sexually may change after a woman has a baby. And that sucks because the woman hasn’t done anything different, but suddenly it’s as if she is the Mother Virgin.

Wanting a career and being a mom comes with a whole host of issues and challenges. I was at a work place with few mothers, and let me tell you, I felt it. 

I wished sometimes to be a dad, and not feel how I felt although I’m certain that some fathers hold guilt for being a busy working dad.

Honesty

If men are honest, it is just being a man. If women are honesty we are seen as snobby. Uppity. Bitches.

It is hard to be so concerned all the time about everyone’s feelings and who not to piss off…and this is mostly with other women. It is mostly women who are not forgiving with each other rather than other men, quite honestly. Women will gladly lead another woman to the guillotine.

Friendship

With what I said above, men are sometimes less loyal friends, but the friendship is less delicate. More intact. Less likely to be thrown away or ruined by something tiny and frivolous. Men have the privilege of…being able to screw up and be brought back into the fold. Women have the misfortune of often being branded and thrown into the fire.

Porn

Most porn is geared towards men. Hell, everything seems geared to men, unless it’s made for women and painted pink. Men’s pleasure is catered to.

Myth

It isn’t easier to be a man per se…that’s not what I am saying…I am just nothing the things that men naturally have access or freedoms with that women don’t. I know men are held to strange standards and ideals as well, but as the default gender, I wonder sometimes how it would be to be a man. And have a penis.

Although let’s face it…women are just all around prettier to look at.

The fairer sex and hey, that’s not such a bad fate,

Laura

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  1. “Women will gladly lead another woman to the guillotine”

    love this cutting remark – I may steal it 😆

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