I think it sounds all so easy. You meet someone, feel all tingly and nervous when he/she is around you. If you’re like me, you talk a mile a minute, and then subsequently, clam up because you know you’ve been yammering.
You get sexually excited. Maybe you imagine carving your initials into a tree together.
That my friends, is simply oxytocin. The love hormone. The chemical in your brain that makes you so crazy that you decide to take a chance on a mutha f#*ker.
But that’s not love.
So what is love anyway, you ask me? If you want to know if you’ve got a loving relationship, here are my two or three cents.
Screw the balloons and flowers. That’s not love.
Fight For It
Relationships over time, are not always easy. If however they are extremely difficult, it’s not a good sign. I’m sorry but while some fighting is normal, breaking up and making up constantly isn’t good…unless you enjoy drama. Things should be smooth mostly, but there will be times in which one of you will feel as if you’re doing all of the compromise. This will switch back around.
If you love someone, you fight for it. You work for it. And you do your best to protect what you have. You don’t just up and give up at the sign of resistance. We live longer these days and expect more from each other. Fight for it.
You will forgive a billion times over when you really love someone. Obviously the major cardinal sins like murder and stealing aren’t really forgivable in my opinion. An affair can be forgiven if your partner and you are going to work out the issues that brought this up. Of course numerous affairs to me, are just too much to bear, but in general…
despite the really god awful things someone might do like be abusive,
Forgive your partner. Forgive the little things. Look for the good. If you’re always looking for the bad, it’s done. You might as well call it quits today.
Look for the good.
Don’t marry or get involved with someone hoping he or she will change. It’s not going to happen. Accept the person as is. If you don’t, you don’t love the person.
When you really love someone, you cannot imagine that person not in your journey…or story. You imagine him or her going along for the ride AND, that person also does his or her best to support you on your journey.
Obviously if you’re 50 and still trying to only make money as a rock star, yet you’ve barely made a demo tape, it’s time to retire your spandex and guitar and get a real job.
However, partners should do their best to support each other on their own individual, as well as couple/partnered journey.
A strong partner invests in him or herself…and doesn’t let go of making him or herself a better person, which only makes you want to be around him/her more.
The Heart of the Matter
If your partner is trying to change you, doesn’t support you, or is constantly pointing out your flaws, you better assess what is really going on. And what’s really going on is not love.
You’ll get tips, jokes, free stuffed teddy bears, news on my first book that’s coming out in May of 2015, and more!
Our initials on the Tree,