frommtvtomommy

The Hug

In divorce, love, relationships on September 30, 2014 at 6:31 pm

Some people walk away from a marriage hating each other. Others won’t even talk. I met a guy who five years post divorce, still called his wife a “W” word, which I won’t repeat because I don’t believe in calling anyone those types of words.

Divorce can be ugly, but what it almost always is is sad, emotionally draining, and complicated. Even if you decide to walk away from someone, it doesn’t mean you’ve given all care up for that person. In the world of relationships, divorce may be final, but it is a grey matter.

And unlike people like crazy guy who still slanders his ex-wife five years later, there are other people, like myself. Like my ex.

Does he hurt me? Yes, at times. Have I hurt him? I guess. Do we fight? Do I feel small, unloved, and insignificant? Wounded, tired, and defeated?

Yes.

But despite the fact that we know it cannot work–that we do not work despite the great effort on both of our parts, there is still love there.

Even though this was the only option left after so many other options were sought, I still love him. I know it is best for us to move forward and I hope to meet someone who will snatch me up and kidnap me in the most normal and non-stalkerish way possible, there is a bond that will always exist, with the father of my child. My first love.

After a heated debate. After mediation.

After a day in which I am left to feel as if I don’t matter and am reduced to tears, there it is:

The hug.

We hug.

Yes, we are getting divorced, but yes, we hug sometimes.

To me, his hug has not been replaced.

He bathed me when I was too sick and pregnant to care for myself.

He watched me graduate from college.

He left food by my bedside when I was sick.

Are there bad memories, and insults? Pain?

Yes.

But beneath all the garbage, there is a history. Our history. It may be over, but it lives on in our daughter, in our heads, and in my heart.

I wish love were enough, but sometimes, it’s just not.

Signed,

Laura

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  1. I can agree with this to a point. I’m just weeks away from finally signing final papers. I was thrown to the curb for nothing more than being a loyal husband and wonderful father. I know that sounds one sided, and yes, it is. Im sure she has her reasons. Reasons I will never know. The fact is she gave up, she cheated because she wasn’t happy for whatever reason. Fine. I get it. I had to spend thousands just to get to see my kids 50 percent of the time for the rest of their lives. We don’t deserve that based on a “feeling” she had. So to end… I will move forward, but to forgive her for that she did to me is far fetched.

    • Well first off, I am sorry for your experience. That sucks. And while we have had a better experience than you I suppose as we used a mediator so far, there have been hurts and things done that weren’t cool quite frankly and that hurt me, but I believe we are both good people and parents…and deserve to be happy. I know we would both do some things differently…and that I always am kind…I can leave it at that. We tried so hard, and stinks that this is how it works. But before I go on and on…I know people who have affairs and stay together happily and others that don’t. Your ex probably was lacking something inside of herself that she needed the affair to fulfill….or she thought grass was greener on the other side (it never is) and sure, sometimes it is mostly one-person. I believe that…but I am sure there are things she never told you. For your own sanity, I hope one day you can forgive her simply so you don’t live with the anger because that only hurts you. Not her. Hang in there 🙂 HUGS

  2. Really love this. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the pain we forget about the tender moments. Those moments can help soften our hearts and help us through these hard times.

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