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Archive for October, 2014|Monthly archive page

How to Trick or Treat, Pumpkin Pick, or Do Anything With Your Ex-Husband

In divorce, family life, single parent life on October 31, 2014 at 2:05 am

People ask me how my ex and I survive doing things together for the sake of our daughter.

Here’s my response–and my first article as a contributor for PopSugar Moms!

Tell me what you think of this post!

With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and 5 Cabana Boys for every girl,

Laura

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The 1 Reason Why You’re Involved With A Bad Woman or Man

In dating advice, love, marriage, relationships on October 24, 2014 at 1:43 am

I was thinking about relationships today. Toxic ones, in particular. Ones that are tenuous. Roller-coaster-y. Emotional. Unsteady.

There is really only one reason why anyone would be with a man or woman that is not good for him/her.

Can you guess what that reason is? Read the rest of this entry »

Even the Best Divorces Suck: Why It’s Okay To Be Mad When You’re Divorcing

In divorce, life, love, marriage on October 21, 2014 at 1:40 am

Hi. My name is Laura, and I am losing my family.

It’s a pretty sad thing.

You see, we have a pretty amicable situation and an awesome little kid that’s just 3.

We look like the dream divorce. We do things together and we figured out just about everything on our own–little help from the law.

It’s still jolting to experience. No matter how you slice it in my opinion, divorce sucks. It’s not good for the kids…it’s just better than seeing two people fight…it’s better seeing two people happy than not happy. But make no mistake– it’s not awesome for the kids.

And while people who are divorcing usually know it’s for the best, we still hate when people who are married or never married say, “Oh it’s for the best.”

Really? Because it doesn’t always feel like it’s for the best. It feels like it is the worst possible thing to happen. A shit roll of the dice.

I am in what I call the  winter stage of divorce.

It’s coming to a real legal end soon enough, and it’s hit me. In the beginning I was upbeat about my future…thinking we would all be okay, but as it gets closer to being official, I have begun to panic more and more. I am not Miss Sally Sunshine. I am not,  We’ll All Be Just Dandy!

Sure, it could be worse. I could have some horrific legal battle and be dealing with a psycho. People tell me to be positive! Smile! It could be worse! It could be brutal.

And for the most part, I smile. I am upbeat, but sometimes you just gotta say–screw it! Be real.

Screw what your happily married and other friends say to you.

Divorce feels as if you have cut off a limb and now have to figure out how to move without it. And when a kid is involved, it literally feels as if every item, every important person in your world is being cut into quarters. You take this half– I will take my half.

You don’t know how the ex’s family feels about you. You may even miss them.

You know it can’t work out anymore and so ending it finally feels like a relief, but ending it officially also feels dreadful. Is it right? Is there hope left? Do we have to do this?

Divorce sucks, no matter how it happens or why it’s happening. No matter who initiates it or wants it.

For me, I have someone I love and care about who probably/maybe/perhaps does/ doesn’t love me and who despite both of our attempts, seem to bicker no matter how good both of our intentions are. We have weeks where it is so easy and I think, “Why are we doing this??” And other days we fight and I say, “Oh that’s why we are doing this.”

Some days we are the best of friends and others, not so much. We know it’s the right thing to do, but we also know it feels like the most wrong thing to do.

It is a constant roller coaster–the process of divorce. I am nearing the end point in which it is getting closer to final and in some ways, more damning. Like a winter storm that is set to shut you inside your house…I am feeling trapped. Damned. Done. Defeated.

People say, “Oh he doesn’t know what he’s missing…you’ll easily meet someone.”

Or, “You’re better as friends. You’ll meet the right one.”

Or, “You’re a good-looking and smart woman. You’ll meet someone.”

But I don’t believe that. In my winter, I believe it is over for me, entirely.

There won’t be anyone else. There won’t be anyone good enough for me, or certainly not for her.

There won’t be another start.

So instead of getting remarried and going through this again, I have decided to:

Join the circus once my kid is older or

move to paris or

live in a studio apartment in manhattan again and live off of only my artistry (writing.comedy) or

become a chocolatier or

write women centric porn and have my friends and family think I am nuts…

Or

ALL of the Above

The process of divorce is brutal. I am sure divorced people feel happy and content. Satiated with joy. Sure they made the right choice. Happy with someone else.

Right now as I enter the last stretch, I am not that person.

I am sad, skeptical, angry, and grieving, and dammit, that’s okay.

With Love,

Negative Nancy

Three Reasons Why Nice Guys Are Better In Bed

In dating advice, relationships, sex on October 21, 2014 at 1:06 am

Everyone likes muscles and a big “package.” By everyone, I mean  straight women and gay men.

And by big, well…that’s relative, but just google the average size of a male member to do some mathematical calculation. By muscles–I mean large muscles, ribbed abs, tight glutes, etc.

But just because the guy is packing, doesn’t mean he is going to be your dream date in bed.  A lot of hot guys– not all– are too self-absorbed to care about your experience in bed ladies. And because I’m a woman and a champion of all of my sisterhood, I like to give straight advice to woman and men about sex. I am here to say– “Give the nice guy a chance,ladies.”

Here are three reasons why nice guys are better in bed than your neighborly big penised, narcissistic, muscular garden variety dude.

Read the rest of this entry »

To Teenage Girls and Women in Their 20’s: Don’t Apologize

In dating advice, life, relationships, women's issues on October 12, 2014 at 1:47 am

I have been pondering this for the past week, and feel compelled to share this brief but passionate blog with you all.

I am a nice person. I am sometimes too nice. I feel bad upsetting someone. I say yes, and then realize I took on too much. I assert myself and then wonder, “Do people think I am a bitch?” “Will X person be mad at me?” “Will he or she speak to me again?” “Maybe I spoke up too much.”

I am here to tell all you young ladies under 30 and hell, even those over 30,  screw that!

Read the rest of this entry »

5 Reasons Being Single is Awesome

In humor, love, relationships, sex, Single Life on October 4, 2014 at 1:43 am

Single

I recently wrote about how being married is awesome, but I wanted to also share why being alone and happy, is better than being with the wrong person.

Here are 5 reasons why it’s great to be single.

Read the rest of this entry »

5 Reasons Being Married is Awesome

In divorce, humor, love, marriage, relationships on October 4, 2014 at 1:27 am

Marriage

I think people who are married sometimes forget how good it can be to be married. I’m not saying that it’s a dream every single day, but that there are wonderful things about marriage that some married people forget.  It’s easy to get caught up in the bad feelings and times, and forget the good things because you’re knee deep in a fight or stress. It’s important though throughout the course of a marriage to stop and reflect on all the good in the person you chose.

But in case you’ve forgotten and think how awesome it must be to be single, we formerly married and/ or single people who’ve never married are here to remind you of why marriage can be so great.

Read the rest of this entry »