A Divorce Dictionary

dictionary

Divorce (n.) 1.the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.

v. 2.legally dissolve one’s marriage with (someone)

If you aren’t divorce or about to be divorced, or considering divorce than you probably just don’t understand what life is like for someone who is dissolving his or her marriage. Because I’m such a conscientious gal, I decided to make a little dictionary for those of you who want to know the real truth, and nothing but the truth so help you chocolate, about divorce.

Here is part I in my Divorce Dictionary:

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5 Signs Your Online Dating Inbox Is Full Of Losers

I went offline as online dating was going nowhere for me, and fast, but then someone at work prodded me to try a site just  one more time. And so I did. And has it been more fruitful than before? No. No, in fact it’s been more comical.It’s been ridiculously more comical and worse than before. It’s as if the universe is playing a trick on me. At this point, I keep it up for the daily laughs. At least it’s humorous.

Here are 5 signs your online dating inbox is full of dweebs and douches:

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3 Guys You Should Have Sex With & 3 You Shouldn’t Have Sex With, Post Divorce

After a marriage ends, there are so many feelings invoked. From devastation…to potentially, exhilaration, divorce brings a myriad of emotions and getting back out there romantically and sexually can be tough, especially if you’re a single mom. Are you ready to really connect with someone? Is now the time to just have fun? Or perhaps, to avoid all intimacy all together. It’s a tough call but it’s normal to want love, passion, and romance after the fires of a previous marriage have burnt out. If you’re dying for an intimate physical connection, take heed of my advice and learn the 3 guys you definitely should not have sex with and 3 guys you should consider getting freaky with!

Waiting for my hunk,

Laura

The Life Lessons From Divorce

Some of the best lessons in life are the hardest to learn. Getting a divorce has taught me many a lesson that I wish I didn’t have to learn, but maybe it’s for the best that I learned these things. As hard as some life lessons are, once you’ve mastered the lesson, you can move on to a more fulfilling life and a better one–in my opinion.

Each person’s experience of divorce is unique, and can’t really be compared, but here are some of the life lessons I learned from divorce:

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Divorced People Problems: Do You Stay Social Media Friends With Your Ex’s Family?

It’s a conundrum of the new social media millenium: when you divorce or separate, do you remain friends with your ex and their family on Facebook and other social media outlets?

For some, the answer may be very clear, but for some of us, negotiating new relationships with family after a divorce can be hard.

Find out what I chose to do in my situation, here.

Dominating the world, one day at a time,

Laura

4 Reasons Why She/He’s Texting You But Not Hanging Out With You

All of my friends and even random strangers talk to me about their dating issues. For me, I am still figuring out how to use my sea legs now that I am almost divorced. It’s funny but not surprising how dating has changed since social media took over the planet.

One of the biggest complaints I hear is, “He/she texts me but doesn’t ask me out…” or “We text all the time but don’t really hang out.”

Well my darlings, here are 4 reasons why I think she/he is texting you, but not asking you out:

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1 Major Sign It’s Time To Cut Someone From Your Life

Sometimes when you’re just a nice half-Jewish girl, you don’t really know how to cut people off. Or you don’t get mad when you should, or you get mad when you shouldn’t, because you’re just so tired of being so nice and smiling…and generally doing stuff to make another person happy.

If you are like me, and tend to turn the other cheek way too much, I have a brief but important lesson for you:

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3 Things Divorced Single Moms Think About Marrieds

Maybe I am the only one who thinks these things–it’s possible considering I’m a little kooky, but here are some thoughts I have as a divorced single mom about marrieds:

1- The Help

Oftentimes, friends and random people complain about how their partner helps them. Maybe it’s the husband who folds laundry wrong or perhaps it’s the wife who can’t cook, but manages to scramble a dinner each night…or a husband who offers to cook, and can only make pasta.

While I imagine a world of wrinkly shirts and spaghetti each night isn’t too hot, think about where you might be if you were the only person doing everything!

I wish I could complain about bad pasta and wrinkly shirts. I’m too busy doing it all by myself to bother.

Appreciate what you have. Your partner may not be perfect, but I’m sure your wife or husband isn’t all that bad.

2-Don’t Want To Be Your Confidant in Misery

Maybe I am the only divorced single mom who gets this, but I am NOT the person to confide in men, when you’re unhappily married. I don’t want you, and I won’t encourage you to act like a jerk or encourage any flirtation with me. You’re married. If you’re unhappy, do something about it. Don’t project your fantasies and needs onto me. I’m not interested.

P.S. Your wife should dump your ass.

Not sure if other single divorced or single moms have this issue, but I am tired of the “sad miserable married dude” coming to me as if I am going to give him permission to act like a d*%k.

3-We Don’t Need To Meet Your Single Friends

For some reason, people think I should want to meet and date their single friends because…we both have so much in common: we are both single.

Pardon me but, I believe you married someone you had stuff in common with, not just because you had the opposite genitalia or the same genitalia (whatever your flavor is) and were single.

One person offered up a friend saying, “He can be a baby, but he’s single too.”

Sounds like a super catch! Thanks!

We’re divorced. Not desperate.

I appreciate my friends who in the past before marriage, introduced me to folks he or she thought I had a lot in common with. And I do appreciate my friends not wanting me to be alone…but I am okay alone. I want to meet the  right one.  Not just  any one.

Desperately Seeking Chocolate,

LL