I went offline as online dating was going nowhere for me, and fast, but then someone at work prodded me to try a site just one more time. And so I did. And has it been more fruitful than before? No. No, in fact it’s been more comical.It’s been ridiculously more comical and worse than before. It’s as if the universe is playing a trick on me. At this point, I keep it up for the daily laughs. At least it’s humorous.
Here are 5 signs your online dating inbox is full of dweebs and douches:
The Threesome Request
It says monogamous on my profile yet, some guy who messaged me went on and on about his wonderful girlfriend, his beach house, and how he and his woman would love to charm me.
Ah happily ever after with me…and the beach house. Screw the couple. I’m not into it.
Well, not really screw them…apparently, they’d like that.
I Have A Cat
Here was a recent message I got: “My name is ____ and I am single and own a cat.”
I rest my case. I am dying alone.
Did You Get My Message?
One guy messaged me approximately 5 times. After the 4th time he asked, “Did you get my message?”
No, ass. I am in a 3rd world country, otherwise known as the east coast, and you can see I logged in recently, but no, I didn’t get your 50th email.
No means no, pal.
All the message was:
Was he asking me to explain the word? Was he offering? Was he confused if I like sex?
Or is he just a schmuck.
Heart & Soul
If some guy refers to his heart and soul on his dating profile, I can guarantee he doesn’t think with it, and just his penis, but he thinks that line will get you. It won’t. You’re too damn smart!
If any of this has happened to you, rest assured ladies, it’s not you, it’s them…and I hope you like living in a house full of cats by yourself when you’re 80.
Just kidding. You can come live with me. We will get a beach house with our cats.
SSWF-that’s single short white female for you kids out there,