frommtvtomommy

The Divorced Version of the Holidays: The New Normal

In divorce, motherhood, parenthood on December 19, 2014 at 9:49 pm

Thank you to all the panel members and HuffPost Live for having me on this segment on Divorce and the Holidays

A few points on divorce and the holidays I wanted to make in addition:

Being Lonely

This is the first holiday season I have experienced as a divorced or almost divorced person, and I have to say that it has been lonely. It is hard for me to reach out and say to people, “Hey People. I’m feeling shitty.”

So if you have any friends or family who are going through a divorce, have lost a loved one, or are experiencing hardship over the holidays, reach out to this person. Don’t wait for the person to come to you.

I don’t want to be the Sad Sally asking for an invite to the party, or eating my latkes alone, asking you to come dip a few in applesauce. Be the initiator and ask someone to join you.

A New Normal

This is all still strange to me to not have my ex with us on the holidays and for him to have my daughter, but not me, at “his” version of the holidays. It takes time to adjust to this new normal that seems so abnormal to me. I am sure a few years from now, being divorced will be “normal” to me, but I’m still adjusting to my “divorce legs.”

Sentimental

I feel that for me, there is a lot of sentiment around the holidays and that perhaps a few weeks later, I won’t feel so melancholy. If you’re going through a divorce, expect the holidays to bring up a lot of emotions. Try to not let it overwhelm you.

About The Kids

First and always, it’s about the kids. They are so happy to spend the holidays with their parents in any way, period, that that joy shouldn’t be taken from them. And yet on the other side, losing out on their family and age-old traditions takes time for them to adjust to. They are also getting used to this new normal.

For anyone splitting hairs, custody, gifts, or their heart in two over the holidays,

I send you chocolate and wine,

XO

Laura

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