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Archive for May, 2015|Monthly archive page

Why I Don’t Want to Be Just the ‘Ex-Wife’

In divorce, relationships on May 29, 2015 at 8:02 pm

My four year-old daughter still calls me “Daddy’s wife.”

I haven’t figured out the right response to that, really. Would a four year-old even understand what it means to be an ex-wife? I think she wouldn’t. What does being an “ex” mean to a child that young? What do the words, “We are good friends” mean to a child? To my daughter, boys and girls (she doesn’t term it as men and women) are together and married… friendships between “boys and girls” don’t quite exist. Such are the issues when you divorce with young children.

So, who am I to my ex, now, other than his ex-wife? Am I anything other, or just the ex-wife? The connotations behind the words “ex-wife” are enough to make you NEVER want to be one in this or the next lifetime. Defining who he is or is not to me in my life, and who I am or who I am not in his life, has been a process. I hear the catch-all phrase uttered by many divorced people: “He’s my ex. He’s my friend.” Or “She’s the mother of my children.” Simple and clean phrases to describe someone you once shared dreams, finances and body fluids with.
Read More: Why I Don’t Want to Be Just the ‘Ex-Wife’

The Ex-Wife/EX-WIFE?

Laura

Does Your Partner Resent You For Staying at Home?

In marriage, marriage advice, motherhood, relationships on May 28, 2015 at 8:19 pm

You have the talk with your partner, and the two of you decide it’s in the best interest for you to stay home and raise the kids, whether it’s for a few months, a few years, or life. Everything seems settled and agreed upon . . . until it’s not. Little comments and questions pop up out of nowhere from your partner regarding your “at-home” status, and so you start to feel defensive. Isn’t being a mother valuable, and furthermore, isn’t this what you two decided upon? Here are a few signs that your partner isn’t too happy about your stay-at home position and how to handle it.

Read More: Does Your Partner Resent You For Staying at Home?

Talk About The Tough Topics,

Laura

How to Stop a Kid From Whining

In motherhood, parenthood on May 27, 2015 at 7:53 pm

In the old days when we kids whined, we got smacked, spanked, sent to our rooms, or blatantly ignored. These days? That’s not typically how people parent, but guess what? Kids everywhere are still whining. Right this very second your child is, is about to, or just finished whining. It is the single most annoying thing and the number one killer of mothers and parents alike. OK, I’m kidding, but how does a mom nip a whining kid in the bud without duct taping a kid’s mouth? Maybe some of these tactics will quiet your sweet whiner!

Read More: How to Stop a Kid From Whining

Whine No More– Just Wine,

Laura

13 Things That Inevitably Happen When You’re Raised By A Strong Mom

In family life, life, motherhood on May 27, 2015 at 3:27 pm

In my eyes as a child, no one — not even my dad — was more powerful than my mom, who I nicknamed “The Strong Woman.” She couldn’t lift elephants with one hand like the “Strongman” at the circus who lifts weights with his nipples and animals with one hand, but her personality and presence were striking enough that when she needed to intimidate or make an impression, she sure did.

Just ask the kids I grew up next to who made the mistake of teasing me, only to find my mom outside their front doors yelling in her heavy Brooklyn accent. When you’re raised by a strong woman, there is no doubt that these 13 things will happen to you:

Read More: 13 Things That Inevitably Happen When You’re Raised By A Strong Mom

Apple From The Tree,

Laura

12 Things Only Over-Thinkers Will Understand

In anxiety, life, mental health on May 27, 2015 at 3:23 pm

There you are about to do something when … wait. Should you really do that, or perhaps something else?

Is this you: standing in the middle of the supermarket trying to debate over something as frivolous as a box of rice? If you answered yes, congratulations! You are an over-thinker.

1. We constantly hear, “Just choose already!”

If you’re an over-thinker, you’ve heard that phrase a zillion times. People act like it’s oh-so-easy to just make a choice. And sure, sometimes it’s easy; for instance, would you prefer Brad Pitt or your husband?

Easy choice, but when you’re an over-thinker, you know that making a choice is torture, plain and simple.

Read More: 12 Things Only Over-Thinkers Will Understand

Questioning If I Should Have Wrote This,

Laura

The Language of Coparenting: What to Say (and NOT to Say) to Your Child of Divorce

In divorce, divorce advice, parenthood, single parent life on May 26, 2015 at 7:04 pm

When you go through a divorce, you have to relearn how to live in many ways. Everything from how to arrange pickups and drop-offs to how to manage funds is a skill you’ll relearn probably multiple times. But for me, the hardest skill to learn as an almost-divorced mom is the language of coparenting.

I’m sure I was speaking English before, like I am now, but sometimes I trip over my words as if I’m gaining a new mother tongue: the verbiage of parenting after divorce. I recognize that not all of my phrasing will work for someone else, but by focusing on using positive and neutral language, I have allowed my child to feel comfortable having a relationship with both of her parents, as well as helped her feel safe to vocalize her own hurts and fears. This has also encouraged a good working relationship with my ex, which is no small feat.

Read More: The Language of Coparenting: What to Say (and NOT to Say) to Your Child of Divorce

Choosing My Words Wisely,

Laura

11 Brutal Truths About Loving An Assertive Woman (As Told By One)

In dating, dating advice, love, marriage, relationships on May 26, 2015 at 3:49 pm

So you’ve met a loud and assertive woman and you’ve fallen in love with her, have you? Or perhaps you want to fall for her, but she intimidates you.

Here’s what you need to know about your loud, spunky, assertive lady … as written by one!

1. She can’t help but draw attention to herself.

Even when I’m just mellow, I seem to call attention to myself. Actually, I don’t notice that anyone is paying attention to me, but old partners of mine have pointed out: “Hey, people are insert X (looking, reacting, etc.) to you.”

Assertive women own the space they walk in, and if they’re loud or spunky to boot — even if they’re just saying hi — someone might notice. It’s not necessarily intentional.

When I step onto a train or head into a Starbucks I don’t consider it a defining moment to “work the runway.” Nope, I’m just your average short girl who is moving forward with her day, but I do smile a lot and move with a rapid pace. The smile alone is enough to garner attention in this humdrum world.

Your loud and assertive babe will draw attention by her energy, and not necessarily because she wants the spotlight. If you don’t like it, guess whose problem that is? Your own insecure self’s problem and not hers.

Read More: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving An Assertive Woman (As Told By One)

Sassy & Spunky,

Laura

What Happened When a Kid Called My Kid Fat

In body image issues, eating disorder awareness, girl empowerment, motherhood, women's issues on May 21, 2015 at 5:10 pm

I was picking my daughter up from aftercare, but once again, she didn’t want to leave. She was sitting at a little preschool-size table with one of her BFFs, and they were drawing pictures together. She had on leggings, a t-shirt, and a puffy zip-up vest. As I coaxed my girl to hurry up, her little friend pointed at my girl and said while laughing, “She’s so fat!”

Instantly, my blood tingled. I felt my face get a little hot.

“That’s not nice. We don’t say that to people. She’s not fat,” I said sternly with a voice that indicated I meant business.

I didn’t yell or say anything else, but the little friend looked at me with a face that read somewhere between, “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that,” and “Wait, what did I do wrong?”

Finally, she said, still laughing, “Her vest makes her look fat.”

My daughter barely noticed the whole conversation and simply got up to go home as if nothing had happened, but something had happened.

To me.

Read More: What Happened When a Kid Called My Kid Fat

Raising My Girl As Best I Can,

Laura

Hey, Divorced Parents: 7 Ways You’re Likely Using Your Kids As Pawns

In divorce, divorce advice, single parent life on May 21, 2015 at 2:53 pm

To all the parents of divorce using their kids as pawns:

I’m writing out of concern for many kids and their saddened parents who have to deal with grown adults acting like angry babies thanks to divorce. I should probably tell you first that I’m getting a divorce from a man who is a fantastic father.

Our divorce is an amicable one. Is it fun all the time? Hell no! Divorce isn’t a fair or a circus (well, it might be a circus sometimes) and it’s not the most fun thing I’ve ever gone through, but despite how tough divorce can be, my ex and I still make our daughter and her well-being our sole focus.

Read More: Hey, Divorced Parents: 7 Ways You’re Likely Using Your Kids As Pawns

Do The Right Thing Always,

Laura

What It Feels Like to Have the ‘Best Divorce’

In divorce, divorce advice, love, marriage on May 20, 2015 at 8:52 pm

Everyone tells me how lucky I am. Lucky my ex is a good dad. Lucky my ex and I are not psychopaths. Lucky we get along.

I’m just the luckiest woman ever! I have the best divorce ever.

It’s ironic. People find me to have luck in the most unfortunate of circumstances. Why? Well see, I don’t have a bad relationship with my ex. We work together, co-parent pretty effectively, and we communicate daily. He’s not stalking me. I’m not stalking him. We aren’t deadbeat parents. I’m not begging him for money. He’s not being ripped off for his money by me. As far as all my divorced acquaintances and friends are concerned, I hit the jackpot. My married friends breathe a sigh of relief that my ex is a good dad and we aren’t running up lawyer bills and screaming day in and day out at each other.

Read more: What It Feels Like to Have the ‘Best Divorce’

Doing The Best With What I Have Got,

Laura