frommtvtomommy

What Happens When Someone Can’t Finish What He/She Started

In dating, dating advice, relationships on February 25, 2016 at 5:40 pm

It happens.

You meet someone and the two of you just click! Everything is perfect. He is into you or she is into you. And vice versa.Fear

Until it comes up.

The person, isn’t ready.

It doesn’t matter if the person is at your door every day or calling you every second she’s awake.

Underneath it all, is an element of anxiety.

The person hesitates.

To me, it seems pretty unfathomable  and circumspect that someone could claim love and then in the next breath, say he or she isn’t ready.

Why?

Some potential reasons:

  • Fear: the person has been hurt and isn’t prepared to dive in or
  • Bad Taste & Habits: the person is used to a bad person or abusive type, and doesn’t know how to handle positive and happy love
  • They lied: the person doesn’t love you and is simply lonely and you happened to be the lucky victim. Worse, the person was using your vulnerability– only you are the best judge to decide if the person falls into this category.
  • Deep Underlying Issues: the person may have depression, a personality disorder, attachment issues
  • Divorce issues: if a person has issues regarding a past marriage, he or she could be incredibly unstable or unsure or scared.

What do you do with the person who isn’t ready?

  • If you have deep feelings for the person you:  run like hell. And fast. And tell the person when you’re ready, call me. You don’t deserve to be hurt by someone’s confusion and toxicity! You leave the door open for the person to return once he or she has decided he/she is ready to be a big boy and girl and have a relationship or at the very least, start to date with clear feelings and objectives.
  • If you can be friends: be friends but if you’ve already had sex, see to my first point on the topic.
  • Give the person space: He wants space? She wants room? Give it to them. Most likely they’re confused people and you being around just causes more questions rather than solves them. Give them the space.

What do you do?

  • You move on. You go on many dates. You say “if you don’t see how wonderful I am then, screw you,” essentially. If someone really loves you, he or she won’t be gone for long. A person who loves you fights for you!!

A person who says “I love you” and disappears from your life is not an honest or kind person. Love is never ending and unfailing and it always seeks to find the owner of its heart. If this person never comes back, you know: they damn well never loved you!

  • You accept the person may: —never come back. He or she may have been a total and utter flake or — accept that the person may have not meant what he or she said, sadly. You accept that the person is not ready, and you move forward with or without them.
  • You realize: it’s not them– it’s you. I have experienced this phenomena twice.

Once, the guy really was a liar. We had been mutual friends and it fell apart totally. He had lied to me and about five months later, had a girlfriend. Talk about utter BS.

As of late, I met an amazing man. Unlike anyone I have met. He is in a transition period of his life, ending a relationship and  despite professing feelings for me and being around all the time, he said he wasn’t ready.

Right now I don’t know what happened or who he really is. Time will tell. For me, with the first guy, I knew the story after I didn’t hear from him for about 2 months and then by the time our mutual friends said he had a girlfriend, I knew I was right about him.

With the current man, time will tell.

Is he just scared and confused and needs time?

Did he not really care about me?

Was he just lonely?

Was he honest?

The story is not yet written but my heart and I sure hope it has a better ending than the previous guy.

In the meantime, he has his “space” and his “time” to decide. And I have a world of men to visit and see. Ones who don’t have parameters such as ” not ready” and “space needed” attached to them.

But for all you men and women out there tired of meeting people who can’t finish what they start, you’re not the only one and in case you didn’t realize it.

YES: You deserve better!

I pray that somewhere in these vast universe there is someone man enough for a big little woman like me. I am tired of the half-hearted, mean, the weak, the unsure, and the not ready.

Little Laura wants a Big Love.

Signed,

Tired of it All

Laura

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  1. Thankyou for this post, Laura. I’ve met someone, myself, who is sweet and kind and fresh and new. There is a bit of a terror involved in approaching a new relationship after abuse, I’m embarking to new destinations and don’t always know what my instincts are going to do. My biggest fear is that I will inadvertently hurt him. The one universal truth is that hurting people tend to hurt people.

    I feel like this man deserves better; and yet, considering love, there is always going to be an inherent risk involved. The best we can do is communicate, and be as honest as we can, and hope the person on the other side is being authentic and true to themselves as well. Sometimes we don’t know what we are ready for or how we will react until we are confronted with a new situation and push ourselves into new experiences.

    I hope you find the kind of partner you are looking for!

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