It’s not easy recovering from a bad marriage or relationship. You could end up walking away feeling:
- Emotionally drained
- Of no value—as if you have nothing to offer
- Distrustful of your judgment
- Lack of hope
For me, I felt as if I had very little value as a person and hopeless. Somehow, I didn’t become completely bitter. I think that’s just my nature as a person—bubbly.
But for many of us, starting over and moving forward is hard when we have the emotions from the past still acting on our present.
Here are ways to resolve these issues:
Recognize your role in the marriage and recognize your partner’s. Remember—you are not responsible for this person’s flaws or issues. You are only accountable of your own.
Make a journal of your issues—making sure to never account for your former spouse’s.
He or she is not your responsibility.
For a long time, I felt guilt for the things I did wrong and for the things HE did wrong, as if I were the reason for every little thing wrong in the marriage.
It wasn’t productive. I made notes of things I would do differently the next go-round and let go.
You made mistakes. He/She made mistakes.
Forgive and move on, even if your ex was a complete and utter ass.
Do you know who you are hurting when you hold onto the anger? If you’re mad your spouse didn’t support you, wasn’t faithful; didn’t have kids with you, abused you…etc.etc. the pain really lies in you and hurts you.
Every day you cannot forgive your former spouse, you are wasting another day of your life.
I forgive my ex for doing things that hurt me because not forgiving was not helping me. Plus, I forgive easily as I want others to forgive me when I have made mistakes.
If we have a forgiving heart, we have a happy heart.
Allow others into your heart to help and be there for you.
Isolating yourself is foolish and leads to more depression and anxiety.
Allow people to cheer you on and be there to listen.
I have always had my support group of friends and loved ones. Sometimes, I isolate when sad but ultimately, I let them in.
Find people and things you enjoy and do them. Often.
Find moments that make you happy and hold onto them. Hold onto others.
I found I loved running and going to the beach.
I found I was happiest making trips to the city to see my old stomping grounds and friends.
I found I am happiest in sunshine and wind. Near the water.
I found I love a cup of tea and my friends
Drinks and going out all sexy.
Cuddling with my daughter.
And writing and writing and writing.
I became closer with close friends and made new ones.
I built a family of sorts.
It is not easy to continue to beat yourself up from your bad marriage.
Honestly, it is much easier and happier to let go.
You deserve it.
Someone Who Knows