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Archive for March, 2016|Monthly archive page

If You Have a Divorced Friend, DON’T Tell Her These 6 Things

In divorce, divorce advice, friendship on March 30, 2016 at 8:46 pm

Getting a divorce is a tough decision, and most likely if you’ve made the call to end your marriage, you know how hard it can be to regroup. This is why friends and loved ones will (hopefully) be by your side during the process. Expect right away that people — even strangers — will give you unsolicited advice, and most of it is done out of the goodness of their own hearts. People want to help and hate to see people sad or uncoupled. Folks are in love with love, and your divorce may be a cruel reminder that sometimes, Cinderella doesn’t find Prince Charming. After a while, though, despite all the best intentions people may have, it can be draining to hear the “same old” stuff spewed at you from the mailman to your cousin’s best friend’s boyfriend. Here are six things divorced women don’t want to hear anymore. Thanks in advance.

1. “Wow, that must be awful.”

Yes, sometimes divorce is awful, and if you ask someone at the right moment, she might agree. However, after some time, divorce is not so awful and it is just another life challenge a woman or man completed.

Read More: If You Have a Divorced Friend, DON’T Tell Her These 6 Things

Ssh,

Laura

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5 Brutal Reasons Married People Are Threatened By Divorced People

In divorce, love, marriage, relationships, Uncategorized on March 29, 2016 at 7:19 pm

Newsflash: Divorce isn’t contagious.

When I went public with the news about my divorce, most people were very kind about it. Of course, there were the “problem people”: the unhappily married guy thinking I might be desperate enough to solve his “problem,” or the married person who felt I was a threat to her marriage.

A friend of mine’s wife didn’t really want him to be around me anymore. It didn’t matter that we were friends for years and never anything else — not an inkling of romance. It didn’t matter that she knew me, too. Somehow, I suddenly became a threat.

The reality is that most of my married friends aren’t threatened by me or anyone else who’s divorced, but certain married people are threatened by divorced folks. Here’s why:

  1. Their marriage isn’t as great as they want it to be.

The person in the problematic marriage will most definitely be threatened by your divorce. Why? Because you, the divorced person, possibly represent this person’s future. Unless the divorce process was a piece of cake for you, your friend isn’t looking forward to potentially going through the same heartaches and headaches as you.

Read More: 5 Brutal Reasons Married People Are Threatened By Divorced People

Don’t Be Insecure,

Laura

Looking For A Husband? Here Are Your Jewish Father’s Top 3 Picks

In dating, love, relationships, Uncategorized on March 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm

There is reality, and then there’s another universe called “Your Jewish Dad’s Reality.” He wants you to be happy and treated well, but if he could control it, he would pick your partner for you. In fact, there are probably quite a few Jewish fathers who have attempted this trick. On his planet, there are only a few men who are good enough for you and, unfortunately, your choices rarely make the cut!

When I told my dad I was getting a divorce, he had a list of suggestions of who would make the best candidate for hubby number two. It was sweet because he wants me to be happy, but also slightly impossible since he hasn’t been out in the world to see the people I keep meeting. Here are three men your Jewish dad is begging you to marry.

1. The Doctor
A doctor is the Jewish dad’s dream. He has a good education and a steady job. Most likely, robots won’t replace doctors thirty years from now, g-d willing.

Read More: Looking For A Husband? Here Are Your Jewish Father’s Top 3 Picks

He’s Got His Opinions!

Laura

11 Things All Single Moms Think but Don’t Say

In divorce, motherhood, single mom on March 28, 2016 at 8:16 pm

There are some things a single mother thinks but most certainly won’t say! Unless, of course, we are running on pure fumes (happens often), wine (nighttime exists for a reason and bedtime too!), or totally off our rails (happens to the best of us). Here are a few things a single mom might be pondering but she won’t say.

Yes, Your Husband Being Away is EXACTLY Like Being a Single Parent

We have compassion for all parents and any and all mothering scenarios, but when you tell us your husband being away is like being a single parent, we ask you with our tongue in cheeks:

Is your bank account like a single parent’s?

Do you file single or head of household on your taxes?

Are you also online trying to find love with some of the biggest horror shows known to mankind?

Read More: 11 Things All Single Moms Think but Don’t Say

 

Silent,

Laura

To My Daughter on Her 5th Birthday

In motherhood on March 28, 2016 at 5:26 pm

The day is finally here. You’re 5!

It’s not 13. Sixteen. Twenty-one.

But 5, it seems so . . . so big! A birthday of 5 means the end of preschool days. Swimming on your own (almost). Running free at the park and not looking back to see me, unless of course, you want to impress me with something you’re doing.

Five means you’re still a child, but yet you’re so independent.

You put on your own clothes. You set your own plate. You get your own drink from the fridge.

You feel less like my baby and more like my girl.

Maybe it’s that you’re my only child, but 5 feels so wonderful and bittersweet. In short five years, we have lost our family (from divorce), rebuilt new ones (you with daddy and you with me), lost our home — and we made a new one, you and me. I went to work and you went to preschool after our former day-to-day loveliness of being together for two and a half years at home.

Read More: To My Daughter on Her 5th Birthday

She’s My Best Girl,

Laura

30 Life Lessons I Learned From Heartbreak

In divorce, love, relationships on March 23, 2016 at 8:50 pm

When my ex and I first split, I asked myself, “Why did this all happen?” I didn’t have the ability to process all that this divorce would have in store for me. Eventually though, I pulled so many gems and appreciation for my dissolved marriage. I grew so much and I healed. Even though divorce always seems to bring about new situations and sometimes struggles, I am not defined by divorce anymore.

And then when I met someone I really adored in my single world almost two years after divorce and it didn’t pan out due to issues on his end, I asked the same question, somewhat differently:
‘Why did I meet this man?”

This time though, it didn’t take me so long to garner life lessons and information to help me in my search for the “perfect for me” partner.

1. Not Everyone Can Be Forever

Most people we date will not be for forever. Most will be for a season or a reason — not a lifetime.
True love is special. If it happened every day, no one would care about it.

I really loved my husband and I am pretty sure he loved me, but either way, I know he was my first love, and I am glad I had the experience.

As far as “mystery guy,” he said he loved me but whether he loved me or not remains to be known and it will remain a mystery…

Read More: 30 Life Lessons I Learned From Heartbreak

To Those That Left; Thank You– I Deserved Better,

Laura

I Survived Rape: Here’s What I Want My Daughter to Know

In girl empowerment, motherhood, parenthood, women's issues on March 22, 2016 at 3:57 pm

My daughter is turning 5. She is not at the age when I can remotely have discussions about such insane acts of abuse and violation like rape. And really, how do I ever sit down and talk to her about the things that real-life monsters do? How do we ever explain these real-life monsters to our children? Many of us don’t have to until we come face to face with one of these true-life villains.

As parents, we don’t come equipped with an employee handbook; there are no clear-cut rules to raising kids besides the golden rules. I can’t “power up” my daughter to avoid every single possible instance of sexual crime, hate crime, general crime, and then some. But I can teach her a few things to help guide her to not only protect herself as best as she can but to also value herself so she aligns herself with positive people and not “dogs who have the fleas.”

Read More: I Survived Rape: Here’s What I Want My Daughter to Know

Support Her,

Laura

7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

In fitness & wellness, women's issues on March 21, 2016 at 8:08 pm

You’re a great person. Trouble is, you don’t realize it. You’re too busy undermining your own worth that you’re not questioning how others treat you. In your eyes, people treat you badly because a) you think you deserve it, or b) you think you keep having “bad luck.”

The reality is, you’ve got no self-respect and therefore, you keep attracting some pretty undesirable people in your life. Here are seven signs you’ve got no self-respect and it’s seriously hurting your life.

  1. You’re the “doormat friend.”

If you’re always the one that people ask things for without giving back anything in return, you’re what they call a “doormat.” Do people get away with murder when it comes to you? Are you frequently left picking up other people’s messes? Do people just expect that “you’ll do it”?

If you answered yes, you’ve got no self-respect and are letting people walk all over you.

Read More: 7 Signs You Literally Have ZERO Respect For Yourself, Girl

It’s the Truth,

Laura

 

Why You Don’t Need a Partner (Dad or Mom) to Complete a Family

In divorce, divorce advice, single dad, single mom, single parent life on March 21, 2016 at 7:26 pm

When you tell someone you’re a single mom, whether it’s because of divorce or having a no-show parent, you always get the face. You know what I’m talking about — the face of pity.

It’s nice to know that people genuinely care and want things to be good for you. Most of the times, it’s not that someone wants to make you feel bad for being a single mother, but that they want things to be assumedly easier for you. And for the most part, people are in love with love — the ideas of couples and happy marriages.

The reality is your life may be absolutely dreamy and wonderful as a single parent, or perhaps it may be hard, lonely, and tough. I am hoping it’s not the latter. Either way, after talking to numerous single parents, there is a common theme I get from many parents just like me: they feel they’re missing out or that their family is incomplete because they’re lacking another partner. A dad. A mom. That somehow, their family is “wrong” and not valid or real because it doesn’t consist of two married or partnered parents raising a child under one roof.

This is just myth, farce, and a flat-out lie!

You don’t need a dad or another mom or partner to be a legitimate family!

Read More: Why You Don’t Need a Partner (Dad or Mom) to Complete a Family

You Are Great On Your Own,

Laura

The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

In divorce, divorce advice on March 17, 2016 at 5:22 pm

Watch out!

Love with caution.

Dating after divorce is tough territory and it needs to be done right and it can be, as long as you use common sense, date when you are truly ready, and avoid getting your heart invested with the wrong people.

Here are 5 toxic people you will meet in your love journey. Please be sure to avoid them at all costs. Thank me later.

1. The Hornball with Charm
This usually pertains to women dating after divorce.

The Hornball is sowing every single one of his oats as quickly and as often as he can.

He is injured emotionally from his divorce, or is a lifelong bachelor that can’t help but “taste the variety.”

He is vicious and you are vulnerable. Watch out!

Read More: The 5 Toxic People You Will Meet While Dating After Divorce

You’ve Been Warned,

Laura