Taking Back My Maiden Name After Divorce: Is it the Right Thing?

Sitting at court waiting for our official divorce decree after our divorce was announced official, I turned to my ex and said, “I’m sorry about the whole last name thing.”

“No worries. You don’t have to be sorry. I understand.”

When you divorce with kids, it’s not unusual for moms to claim they would like the same last name as their children. I cannot say I blame them, although that’s not the choice I made. I considered it for a second, but the truth is, even when I got married I did not want to change it. I wanted to stay Lifshitz. It felt archaic to me to change my last name and I had earned so many victories and defeats with my maiden name. I had lived an interesting life as a Lifshitz. I had a life as a TV personality. A life as a student. A life as a comedienne. A life as a little half-Jewish girl who occasionally, got poked fun of because her last name had the word “sh*t” in it. Did that derail me? Nope! Not this sassy girl and now woman, but a lot of life had gone on as a Lifshitz.

Read More: Taking Back My Maiden Name After Divorce: Is it the Right Thing?

Becoming Me Again, Only Better,

Laura

Advertisements

Working Through Divorce

As a newly single mother living on one income, having a job is high on my priority list. I was working part-time when I was married, and once my husband and I separated I immediately had to go back to full-time work. Learning to navigate a new job and single motherhood while going through a divorce was tough. If you’re in or have ever been in this boat, you know what I mean.

So how can working moms get through divorce with their jobs intact? First things first: Make sure your kids are cared for. You can never have enough backup care, suggests psychologist Leah Klungness, Ph.D., co-author of The Complete Single Mother.

Read More: Working Through Divorce

It’s Tough,

Laura

Magazine Tells 8-Year-Old Girls How to Choose Bathing Suits For Their “Body Type”

Summertime is almost here and that means, bathing suit shopping. I will rock a bikini, but I must admit that finding one that suits my top-heavy body with my boyish hips can be a pain. It doesn’t matter if you’re thin, thick, or in-between:

Many women struggle with bathing suit shopping. 

After a few weeks of baring my pale skin, though, I get used to it and enjoy being in the Summer sun and air, but I must admit . . . I doubt if I look OK in my suit. I criticize myself, and I find flaw after flaw, but I say “To heck with it,” and I embrace the things I do like and hope that I am not embarrassing myself. Being confident as a woman is important. You’ve got to love the skin you’re in.

It was so much easier bathing-suit shopping as a child. My mom would take me to the store, and I would pick out whatever fit my little girl fancy:

  • Stars? Yes! My favorite suit for a year was a purple one with big bold white stars
  • Characters? Smurfette? Yes, please! Bring me that one-piece with the big blonde blue Smurf character, and pronto, Mom!
  • Hot pink flowers? So summery. Yay!

Read More: Magazine Tells 8-Year-Old Girls How to Choose Bathing Suits For Their “Body Type”

Enough is Enough,

Laura

3 Signs Your MIL Is Hell-Bent on Destroying You

The almighty mother-in-law. The one woman that is feared by all daughter-in-laws of the world. At least initially.

If you have the lucky fortune of being your MIL’s favorite daughter-in-law, congrats! You have achieved a status so many of us wish we could reach but sadly, never have or never do. If you have a difficult relationship with your MIL that either runs hot and cold or worse or is so brutal the two of you would fare well in a boxing ring, you’ll commiserate with these three harsh signs that your MIL wishes for your destruction.

Snubs Your Invites

Your mother-in-law would rather die, yes die, than go to a party, holiday, or any other occasion that the underling daughter-in-law is throwing. She somehow has to do her hair, feed the needy, raise money for the poor, and just about every other thing under the sun than attend a fete you’ve organized.

Read More: 3 Signs Your MIL Is Hell-Bent on Destroying You

Remember She’s Grandma & Act Accordingly,

Laura

The 3 Stages of Hell Known as Pregnancy Heartburn

Pregnancy and heartburn go hand-in-hand pretty much as closely as pickles and ice cream. It’s a common symptom and a real pain in the you-know-what, but thanks to that dirty rat hormone, progesterone, which causes the valve between the esophagus and stomach to relax, you’re bound to experience a little heartburn, especially during the third trimester.

Gee, and you thought the morning sickness and swollen feet were enough motherly dues to pay? Ha ha, just wait until pregnancy heartburn finds you. And yes, you may have experienced it in the first trimester. I believe I felt the burn almost every day, including profuse vomiting, during the first trimester. But by the third trimester? I burped every day thanks to my little friend, pregnancy heartburn.

Stage One: It’s Not So Bad

This is the stage of heartburn in which a little Tums or strategic eating can soothe that wicked burn that travels up your esophagus. You might stop eating spicy foods.

Read More: The 3 Stages of Hell Known as Pregnancy Heartburn

 

You’re a Firestarter!

Laura

I Miss My Breastfeeding Days, but Not For the Reason You Think

I recognize that many women have difficulties breastfeeding, but for me, breastfeeding was one of the best times of my life. It was one of the times in my life in which I felt like a superstar.

Did I have sore nipples? You betcha.

Did I struggle at first with my daughter’s latch, enduring a shallow latch and in turn, bloody nipples? Yes! TMI?

Despite the tough first few weeks, I felt like a champion when I nursed. I didn’t have to worry about all the parenting strategies that I do now, such as redirection, positive discipline, socialization, and more. All I had to do was be me, be present for my baby, and nurse her.

I recognize that I just easily summed up the infancy stage in three breezy words when the reality is that the first year of a child’s life can be exhausting, demanding, and stressful. But for me, I felt confident. I didn’t know much yet about motherhood and I wasn’t always sure I was 100 percent correct, but I always knew I was responsive to my baby.

Read More: I Miss My Breastfeeding Days, but Not For the Reason You Think

Simpler Times,

Laura

12 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Single Mom

Before you get involved with a new partner, as a single mom you wish there were a few things you could tell these potential paramours bluntly, although laying it all on the line might be a bit intimidating! If there were a guide to explaining to your love interests the things that they should know before dating you, a single mom, this one would be it!

We Aren’t Desperate For Your Approval and Attention

Yes, we would like love in our lives and it stinks that the father of our child or other coparent is not the big love we may have hoped for, but we aren’t desperately posting on Craigslist for some guy to save us. Sure, after some of our marriages and relationships have dissolved, we may be lonely and wanting sex and companionship. But that’s anyone who has gone through a big breakup or divorce. At the end of the day, we are self-sufficient and aren’t looking for heroes, but for a partner who can pull his or her own weight.

Read More: 12 Things You Need to Know Before Dating a Single Mom

Not Your Mama,

Laura

6 Ways to Relieve Stress as a Single Mom

Are you a stressed single parent? Welcome to the club! Adjusting to single motherhood definitely takes time but eventually, it’s simply the life you know and you’ll have a routine down pat. Still, women especially mothers, are known for biting off more than they can chew and not asking for enough help. This means that especially after a divorce, you could be feeling the burn mentally and physically, and no, I am not talking about voting for Bernie Sanders here. Some of you single moms may be laughing here when I say this but, there are ways to relieve your stress to bring you a happier and more peaceful life, post divorce. Things don’t always have to feel so difficult or challenging. Take my tips and find yourself feeling more at ease in your daily life after divorce!

Read More: 6 Ways to Relieve Stress as a Single Mom

Take a Deep Breath,

Laura

5 Things Children of Divorce Don’t Want to Deal With

Growing up with two married parents, I really didn’t have a framework for what my daughter, a child of divorce, would go through when her dad and I split up. Although I hate the expression “child of divorce,” as we didn’t make her from divorce, the fact is she has a rather different experience than I did as a child. I wanted to understand what it might be like to go through her shoes. So I interviewed my friends, at least 10 who were all children of divorce, and over time as a parent undergoing the divorce process, I learned a lot about what things a kid doesn’t need to hear or deal with about divorce or from his or her divorced parents.

1. Negative Comments About the Other Parent

I don’t really care if your ex was a deadbeat dad or if your ex-wife was a royal b*tch. The bottom line is your child most likely loves the both of you so much that your negative comments or a family member’s comments, like a grandparent or aunt or uncle, are detrimental to your child. When someone else goes to say something bad about a child’s parent during or after the divorce process, it injures the child severely.

Read More: 5 Things Children of Divorce Don’t Want to Deal With

Be the Adult,

Laura