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Archive for June, 2016|Monthly archive page

That Bulge Above Your Belly Button Might Not Be a Food Baby, After All

In motherhood, pregnancy on June 29, 2016 at 1:40 pm

Imagine this scenario: You’re a few months post-pregnancy when—bam!—you notice a bulge above your belly button. WTF is going on? Did your baby leave something behind? Nope. You might have something called diastasis recti.

What Is Diastasis Recti, Exactly?
“The condition happens when your abdominal rectus muscles separate and the tissue between the muscles thins,” says Melissa Walsh, M.D., ob-gyn, attending physician in the department of obstetrics, gynecology, and women’s health at Montefiore Health System. While you may or may not notice a bulge above your belly button, there’s another test for diastasis recti: If you attempt to do a standard situp and place your fingers between your abdominal muscles, and feel at least two fingers (or two centimeters) difference between them, you could have this issue. The (sort of) good news is that although diastasis recti can be uncomfortable (sometimes causing lower back pain), it’s more of a cosmetic issue than a medical one.

Read More: That Bulge Above Your Belly Button Might Not Be a Food Baby, After All

Is it a Food Baby? Or Not?

Laura

What I Do For My Child of Divorce

In divorce, single dad, single mom on June 28, 2016 at 1:35 am

Divorce can be very hard and also very joyful if you move on to a better life afterwards. No matter how your experience with divorce goes, the fact is there is no single rule book that explains what you should or shouldn’t do in divorce. Even further still, there is no single rule book to explain how your children might react to a divorce. I have friends whose children have taken divorce very easily, whereas my child has not.

Knowing this, there are a few things I do as a parent to help get my little one through the process for her sake . . . and mine.

1. The Time Check 

I kept asking myself, “It’s been X amount of months or years, so why is it still so hard for my child? What can I do differently?”

Read More: What I Do For My Child of Divorce

It Takes Time,

Laura

It’s Actually Possible to Vomit With Class When You’re Pregnant

In humor, pregnancy on June 22, 2016 at 6:05 pm

There’s nothing like a little (or a lot) of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy to make you feel absolutely gross and not “prepared” for the public. I mean, vomiting and nausea in pregnancy can come on at any time and without warning. Don’t be surprised if you’re happily eating a delicious meal only to find yourself ready to upchuck two minutes later without any notice. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself puking at work, on your front lawn, or on the side of the road like a drunk, except you’re not drunk — you’re just pregnant.

Here’s how to vomit with class and style during pregnancy in a way that will allow you to keep your dignity still. Well, some of it at the very least!

Mommy’s Little Puke Bag

Find a nice brown paper bag or make it more sturdy actually — get a plastic one! Then, label it: Mommy’s Little Puke Bag. Even if you’re not a mom yet, you’re on your way. Carry this elegant bag with you right next to your purse, work bag, or gym bag. It’s a bag with personality and personalization! You can carry it in style and when it’s time to puke, promptly use it. At the very least, you won’t spew all over and your company will appreciate your attempts to keep it all “in.”

Read More: It’s Actually Possible to Vomit With Class When You’re Pregnant

Carry That Puke Bag!

Laura

5 Thoughts Every Mom Has at Kindergarten Orientation

In motherhood, parenthood on June 15, 2016 at 12:20 pm

I just went to the first half of my daughter’s kindergarten orientation. As I walked into the school, it felt so huge compared to her preschool. I couldn’t believe that after three years of being in preschool day in and day out for most of the time, very long days, she would now call another place “home.”

That saying that “babies don’t keep” is so true. It seemed like just yesterday she was refusing to nap without her mama, curled up on my chest, asleep at the breast. And now there she is, running down the elementary school hallways in which she will meet “the big scary world for the first time.”

As we register those children for kindergarten, there are a few thoughts every mom has before we put our little one on the bus for that very first time.

Read More: 5 Thoughts Every Mom Has at Kindergarten Orientation

It’s the Next Step,

Laura

How to Piss Off People With Your Parenting

In humor, motherhood, parenthood on June 15, 2016 at 12:18 pm

For some reason, the whole world loves to comment on parents. We’re never doing a “good enough job” or somehow, we made a mistake and crap — didn’t we all know we aren’t supposed to make mistakes?! Especially mothers.

They rake mothers against the coals and by “they” I mean, the public. Gorilla incident anyone?

So instead of trying to deny our parenthood or apologize every single damn time our kids make a noise or a scene in public because, you know kids are supposed to be seen and not heard, why not piss people off more, with our parenting? This is, apparently, the early 19th century or so and kids aren’t supposed to be kids. They’re supposed to be silent, mature adults and moms and dads are supposed to be perfect parents, 24/7. Since that’s not possible and we know that because we are moms, let’s show the public how it’s done:

Read More: How to Piss Off People With Your Parenting

Make Them Mad,

Laura

10 Thoughts You Have When Up in the Middle of the Night With a Newborn

In motherhood, parenthood on June 8, 2016 at 12:59 pm

There you are, in the darkest of nights with your tiny newborn staring up at you. You believe that most accurately you just saw this little face about two hours ago, but heck . . . at this stage of the game, every hour and day seems to blur by in a whirl of burp clothes, diapers, and your baby’s face. You are so tired, you probably answer to any and all names someone might call you, and you have impressed yourself by surviving on the little sleep that you have. You begin to find any minutes of shut-eye a luxury, and most often, you find yourself wondering where your baby ends and you begin.

1. Really? Again?

You could have sworn your newborn just woke up seconds ago. How is it that he’s already awake and crying? Maybe that’s another sound you hear. Oh, wait. Nope, that’s definitely the baby. You were hoping it was the family cat but unfortunately your cat doesn’t sound like that.

Doesn’t this baby realize that a mother without sleep is a dangerous human being? Oh well. You grab that cute little guy and you thank him for being so adorable, otherwise he might be out of luck!

Read More: 10 Thoughts You Have When Up in the Middle of the Night With a Newborn

It Has to be The Cat, Right?

Laura

5 Reasons Being a Mom Makes You Sexier

In humor, motherhood on June 6, 2016 at 8:09 pm

The whole “MILF” thing is really unnecessary. I mean, everyone knows that moms are sexy, 24/7. We don’t need a special title of “MILF” or “Cougar Mom” to embrace our sexiness. There are so many reasons that motherhood just immediately makes you one sexy mutha f*cker, in the words of the late, great Prince.

Buckle up, sexy momma! Let’s discuss some reasons being “mother” to one or many makes you so darn hot!

1. Nothing Like a Squirt

Squirting breast milk everywhere like a fountain? Leaking when you hear babies cry? Rock-hard breasts that feel like boulders on your sternum? Oh yes, porn stars everywhere are jealous of the nursing mom or the mom whose milk has finally come in. There’s nothing sexier than that! Truly. Now, is that a statement piece you’re wearing, or did you leak again?

Read More: 5 Reasons Being a Mom Makes You Sexier

Squirting & Spit-Up,

Laura

My Eating Disorder Completely Controlled My Sex Life

In body image issues, eating disorder awareness, love, relationships on June 1, 2016 at 7:27 pm

I had the chance to interview an amazing woman, Jessie Moore for an article on Eating Disorders and how they impact sex & love lives:

My eating disorder started around age 13. I was just a girl with an average body type, but then someone had told me my “ankles were thick.” All I heard was the word “fat.” That’s when I first started dieting.

I got so many compliments about my new slim figure that I started to restrict my eating to keep it up. The compliments brought a high—a feeling of power and satisfaction. When I couldn’t keep up a restricted diet, I cycled the other way by bingeing and purging. I lived this way for the next 20 years. As I grew up, these destructive habits impacted my relationships as an adult.

Read More: My Eating Disorder Completely Controlled My Sex Life

 

Tell Your Story,

Laura