In marriage advice, relationships on August 27, 2016 at 2:26 am
You say the two of you are tight. Rock solid. Impossible to tear apart. The two of you are a match made in heaven. An unbeatable team. Whatever the metaphor is for long-term bliss, you believe your relationship is it. The alpha and omega. Kismet.
And you may be right. There is one way, however, to measure up if your relationship is rock solid, or not. These 10 things will never happen if the two of you are really such an ironclad pair.
Don’t tell us the two of you are a solid pair if there’s constant cheating. I’m not just talking about having physical contact with another person; I’m talking about the emotional cheating: Facebook affairs and texting with another person who is not your partner.
If your partner is “loving” and “liking” every hot photo of every hot chick and completing the sentiment with sexy comments, this is cheating. This is disrespecting you. An ironclad relationship has no part of this nonsense.
Are you always looking at your partner’s phone? Second-guessing everything your partner does or having insane suspicions constantly says your relationship is not rocks, but rather, paper.
Read More: 10 Things That Shouldn’t Happen If Your Relationship Is ROCK SOLID
There is No Room For Settling,
In anxiety, fitness & wellness, relationships on August 26, 2016 at 5:26 pm
You may be the boss of you as an adult, but when you have anxiety, it can feel as if you are never in charge. There may seem to always be something hovering over you and stealing the wheel from your hands when you least expect it. In so many ways, anxiety can operate like a prison. It’s a sentence that you didn’t ask to serve or do anything to bring it on — most likely anxiety was handed to you by genetics or a traumatic situation — but it’s one that many people deal with, whether as a short-term sentence or a life-behind-bars type of scenario. It took separating from a former partner for me to understand how it had affected me.
And it wasn’t just my anxiety that reared now and again (an occasional sentence? community service?) that hurt my progress emotionally, but it was being romantically involved with someone who held it against me, hovering over my head, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Using it as a weapon for control.
It made the anxiety worse, not better, and in that case, there were two prison guards and one operated more covertly than the other (the former partner, not the anxiety). As I walked away from the situation, I started to see the writing on the wall.
I realized I was worth something and that while I can be anxious, anxiety does not rule and will NOT rule me.
Read More: How Anxiety Is Actually Like a Real Prison
Set Yourself Free,
In single mom, working mom life on August 26, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Single parenthood is the hardest thing I have done in my life. Every time I think I have it down, life throws me a curve ball and reminds me that I’m just a student of motherhood who will be dealing with a whirlwind syllabus for the rest of my life. I think all mothers can relate to this. Still, I find the pressure of mothering alone to be particularly intense. I often hold myself to impossible standards. I have lost a home and moved and then moved again for work. I have tried to build a career while figuring out how to be a solo parent at the same time.
One thing I’ve learned in this burgeoning journey: There are some things a single mom and her kids need and deserve to be happy. For starters, our own health and happiness are vital—a foundation for our kids to perch and grow upon. If we’re rocky, chances are our kids will stumble on the stones. This doesn’t mean we need to be perfect, but it does mean single moms (and as in my case, moms of divorce) must care for ourselves even as we fervently attend to our children.
Here are some of the things I believe we single moms need to do it.
1. A Single-Mom Network or Friend to Fall Back On
You must, must, must, even with all of your wonderful married friends, have at least one single mom friend who sees you as family, and vice versa. This will allow you both to help each other out when times get tough. No one understands your situation better than those wearing the same clunky shoes. So get out there and befriend someone. Even if you don’t have a ton in common, that one common bond will help both of you—even if it’s being each other’s emergency contact and back-up childcare.
Read More:12 Things Single Working Moms and Their Kids Need for a Happy Life
Build Your Network,
In career, motherhood, working mom life on August 26, 2016 at 5:21 pm
You know you’re a working mom when you enter the office in a beautiful new dress and have a glaring PB and J stain or snot rocket all over the front of it. Of course, you didn’t realize it because you were too busy shoving kids into a car or chasing them toward the bus stop with the hopes that somehow everyone would end up in one piece at school.
Your survival — and your new dress — was secondary.
Having office hours while caring for kiddos can get pretty complicated, even if you’re miles away from them at the office. Read through for eight reasons.
1. The Outfit Conundrum
You get a great deal at Loft on new office dresses. Your child gets a great craving for cheese puffs. You walk into the office with orange stains down the front like you just exited a clown car. You took so much time to do your hair though (and by time, we mean five minutes) that you don’t even recognize the hot orange streaks on your outfit. You’re too pleased you’re having a good hair day.
Read More: 8 Complications You Run Into at Work as a Working Mother
You Really Liked That Dress,
In anxiety, fitness & wellness on August 22, 2016 at 7:58 pm
People mean well and want to help, but when someone is experiencing anxiety or feeling nervous, the last thing we need is more useless cliches that don’t help us one bit. It’s hard to understand anxiety unless you have experienced it. Most people have felt anxious in their lifetimes, but if you’ve ever experienced the glory of a panic attack or been so anxious you felt sick, you know why I see red when people say, “Just relax.”
Newsflash, Einstein: if we could just relax, we would.
This of course doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to manage your anxiety. When I am feeling anxious, exercise, deep breathing, stretching, and time with friends help me feel better. Sometimes it also means shutting down my cell phone and not bothering with anyone, minus my daughter.
But when someone tries to give you unhelpful advice about anxiety for the 50th time, it’s enough to make you want to check out of dodge for the weekend.
1. “Just Relax”
Look, do you have a magic wand to erase this feeling of dread? If you did, you would use it and if Idid, so would I. Telling me to “just relax” is not helpful.
Read More: 7 Things I Don’t Want You to Say When I’m Feeling Anxious
In motherhood on August 12, 2016 at 8:20 pm
In a day and age in which there’s a shooting seemingly every day, there is so much for a mom to fear. A part of me can’t help but wax nostalgic and idealize the time in which I got to be a child and grow up. Now, times feel scarier by the minute. If a mom thinks too much about what’s going on in the world, she might go crazy. This is something we can all explicitly state and share with each other: today’s world is scary. Many of us are afraid. It’s socially acceptable to share this.
But there is one fear that no mom wants to dare say out loud.
One thing that we all think from time to time, but dare not say because, well, it makes us feel ashamed.
Inferior to our peers.
The mommy wars exist not because they have to for survival, but because inside of many of us — all of us, I daresay — is a fear that perhaps we are doing this motherhood thing all wrong. That perhaps we really don’t have a clue about what we are doing with our children.
The secret fear that maybe we don’t know what we are doing at all.
That maybe, as a mom, we are just not good enough.
Let’s be honest — mommy wars also exist because we are all (well, I think) evolutionary mammals striving to survive and thrive in a modern-day world that changes faster than we can gather another breath. If we aren’t parenting our kids effectively or making smart choices, our kids and our own selves won’t do well.
Read More: The Secret Fear That No Mom Wants to Say Out Loud
We Are Good Enough,
In motherhood, parenthood on August 12, 2016 at 8:17 pm
People say it’s judgmental to knock parents for using their phones. We’re only human after all, right? We have the right to take a break. Socialize. Respond to work emails. Share sweet photos of our babies on Instagram. Obsess over the latest celebrity tweet. Veg out and scroll through our Facebook feed.
We have the right and damn it, we are only human.
I, too, am only human. I, too, check my phone for work purposes or to share a cute photo of my girl on Instagram.
Phones are very much a large part of our worlds. It’s like how the answering machine and CD player became must haves in the ’80s: our phones are our fifth appendage.
But you see, phones are more than a necessity or tool for socialization. They are the competition. They are what diverts our eyes, distracts our attention, and keeps us from focusing on the people in front of us — mainly our children.
Read More: If You’re a Parent With a Phone, You Need to Read This
We Love Our Phones, But Maybe TOO Much,
In motherhood, parenthood on August 12, 2016 at 8:14 pm
Your toddler is adorable as pie until suddenly, he’s face down kicking and screaming in the middle of Victoria’s Secret (yeah, whose idea was it to bring him? Well, you really needed to use that sweet coupon…) and making a whole big scene.
What did you do that was so offensive to said toddler? Oh, say the word “No.”
Telling a toddler no is a guaranteed way to earn yourself one big fat tantrum, but hey, that’s just all part of development, right mom?
Before you send your toddler packing to a sweatshop to make overpriced toys or sweatshirts, you should buck up mom, and simply learn and understand the delicate process of the toddler temper tantrum.
Stage 1: This Isn’t Going to Go My Way, Is It?
This is right when your toddler realizes that mom is about to say no or do something said toddler doesn’t want her to do. It’s when your toddler understands that she’s not going to get her way. It’s when your toddler starts to turn red, get fidgety or simply, start to raise the volume of her cry or of her voice. This stage always happens in public.
Read More: The 5 Stages of the Toddler Tantrum
It Gets Ugly,
In marriage, marriage advice on August 6, 2016 at 2:08 am
Can Counseling Save Your Marriage?—I sort of feel like this is a loaded question. Asking if one single solitary act can save a marriage seems destined to fail from the get-go. The reality is there is no magic cure for an ailing marriage. And not only that, but also there is no one answer that suits all marriages. However with that said, counseling can do a great deal of things for an “on the rocks” marriage and the people involved in it.
It can most definitely:
- Help both parties deal with their issues on an individual basis. It’s not unusual for a couple to go to therapy together in couples’ therapy, and then see the same counselor or another separate counselor, on their own as individuals
- Create a dialogue about what issues exist in the marriage and if the two parties feel they are resolvable or not
- Assist a person in deciding, once the problems are “on the table” if he or she wants to work hard to save the marriage
Yes. That’s right. Work hard to save the marriage.
Read More: Can Counseling Save Your Marriage?
You Both Have to Want It,
In relationships, sex on August 6, 2016 at 2:07 am
What do men want? I constantly wonder. To me, they’re often mysterious creatures just as much as women are to them.
But there are two things I have learned about men that I think stands the test of time: if you’re a freak in bed, they don’t want you advertising it. They don’t want the whole world to know that their woman likes it hard, often and nasty. They don’t want other men knowing you want it kinky, wild or frequently.
Unfair, isn’t it? Damn right. But it’s the truth. Why? Think about it: Your man might love to brag to his friends that you’re kinky, wild and like sex often. Your man might want to say to all the guys complaining that their women “don’t give them any,” that “My woman satisfies me all the time. And then some.”
He might want you to go out and wear something sexy. He may absolutely love it when other men look at you and find you desirable. He doesn’t want his friends to ogle your body; he wants them to appreciate your beauty.
Read More:Why Men Want A FREAK In The Sheets & A LADY In The Streets