You read the baby books. You attended birthing class. You interviewed pediatricians. You were ready. Prepared. Set to be a mom! Until you became a mom and realized, you didn’t know jack sh*t about being a mother, now did you?

Nope. You were one clueless SOB.

And now you’re learning on the job. Enjoy those learning curves, ladies. They’re unflattering sometimes, aren’t they?

1. You will hate small toys.

You will step on small toys, like Legos. Legos are supposed to be fun. The reality is when you step on one, you cry like a little b*tch. No one told you Legos were a weapon of war.

Oh yes indeedy, they are!

Let’s not forget the burden of tiny, tiny, tiny toys. Like Shopkins. And all the utensils in the Barbie Dreamhouse.

The utensils in the Barbie Dreamhouse are worse than Barbie’s shoes.

Read More: 11 Things You Didn’t Know About Motherhood Before You Became a Mom

You Knew Jack S&*T,

Laura